lifestyle, Relationships

Holding a Grudge: How to Let Go of Hurt

by Olivia

It’s so easy to hold a grudge and it’s so hard to let go of it. I’m still learning on how to do that myself. It’s easy for me to sit here and say “let it go” but I don’t know what it is you’re holding onto. It might be big, it might be small. But all I know is that holding onto hurt only hurts you more. Join me as I go through some tips that help me when I feel like I need to let go of hurt.

EMBRACE YOUR EMOTIONS

When we feel as though we have been hurt by somebody it brings a lot of different emotions. Anger, resentment, sadness to just name a few. It’s okay to feel these feelings, they are natural and human after all. I have learnt that feeling the feeling is the best way to get through them. Shying away from my feelings just bottles things up and doesn’t do any good.

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IT’S OKAY IF YOU CAN’T FORGIVE STRAIGHT AWAY

Letting go of a grudge and letting go of hurt doesn’t mean that you have to forgive immediately. Forgiveness can take a lot of time. Some things are unforgivable and thats okay. But what we are talking about here is letting go of the hurt that is causing you more pain. Letting go of that burden you have been carrying for so long is such a freeing feeling when you finally are able to let it go.

EXPRESS YOUR PAIN

I find talking it out with people really helps to put a new perspective on the situation, and it can really help in letting go of a grudge too. When I go through times of hurt I prefer to talk to the person the hurt came from. Im the kind of person that wanted to delve deeper into their feelings and emotions to try to understand why they are behaving the way they are. Of course as I keep saying, this isn’t always appropriate. It depends on the situation.

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FOCUS ON THE PRESENT

Remember we are always going forward not backwards. We should only look backwards to see how far we have come. Find things you look forward to now and in the present. This will help you to get perspective on your current situation.

SELF-CARE

I talk about this a lot on my blog but self-care is so important and comes in many different ways, shapes and forms. It’s important that when we are going through a tough time we are kind to ourselves and we treat ourselves with more love than we usually would. When going through any trauma or hard time we need time to heal. Take the bath, take some time off. Do what you love if it helps you overcome what you’re going through.

Remember these helpful quotes:

“Sometimes Holding on does more damage than letting go”
“Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die”

Do you find it hard to let things go? Do you have any tips you could add to these?

Olivia x 
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78 thoughts on “Holding a Grudge: How to Let Go of Hurt”

  3. I have really struggled with this in the past but now I’m finding ways through it. This post has helped me find more ways to deal with it. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Hi Olivia, I think these are really good tips. One tip that I would add to this is to reflect on what you learnt from the experience, especially if it was a person/a few people that hurt you and you have a grudge against. Usually these things present learning opportunities, and things you can take away from it. For example someone may have hurt you a lot but maybe you were too soft too often and allowed them to take advantage of you in a away. Or maybe there were also things you did wrong as well, and things you could have done differently. Obviously this tip may not be applicable 100% of the time but still relevant a lot of the time

    I also like phrases you mentioned such as “I don’t know what it is you’re holding onto” or “Of course as I keep saying, this isn’t always appropriate. It depends on the situation.” . This shows that you are aware that everyone has a different situation and a one size fits all normally doesn’t exist.

    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I don’t know everybody’s situations, so I know that this post cant always fit everybody’s circumstances. You’re right in your points and there could be several other conversations coming from this post. Life is about learning, we learn from our mistakes and our victories.

      Thank you for commenting Niraj and sharing your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

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  7. Hi Olivia

    Thank you for sharing tips that you’re using to deal with hurt. You raised very good points amd I would like to add a few. Especially on the forgiveness part. Most of the times we live on hope that the other will see or recognize that he/she hurt you and apologize and maybe that would Kickstart the forgiving process, but it is also good for us to realize that forgiveness needs to start with ourselves, cause waiting on someone who doesn’t see that their actions hurt you to apologize, it will prolong the hurt even more. So learning to forgive yourself from all that will make sure that you are okay – similar to the quote you stated, that holding onto hurt is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Without letting go of all those feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness etc, is like that poison.

    Thank you once again….

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    1. You’re so right in what you said. We can wait and wait and wait for somebody to ask for forgiveness and sometimes it never happens. We must learnt to forgive ourselves first too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

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  8. I think the biggest hindrance of letting go is pride. I learned by lowering my pride it is easier to move on, because it means that I’m not letting myself be affected by the situation anymore. 😊

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    1. I agree, it really is. We get so caught up in feeling like we are owed something and thats what hinders us from moving on from it. You have such a good point there! Thanks for sharing Joana!

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  11. Thanks for your post! I really think it is all about being kind to yourself in those situations and you summed that up really well. It is all about understanding that holding grudges makes US feel bad, and that we need to care about ourselves first, and then see if we can forgive. We need to be in a good headspace before we can focus on forgiving someone.

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    1. It’s so important isn’t it that we are mentally ready to forgive someone. It can’t just happen straight away for various reasons. But we must remember to be kind to ourselves, always.
      Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts Camille😌

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    1. I wanted to include that because I know that all circumstances and things that have happened cant be forgiven easily. And who am I to say to forgive something when I know nothing about it. Its okay if you cant forgive right away, I think healing takes time.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

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  15. Very helpful tips.

    True, by not forgiving we end up hurting ourselves the most.

    Not long ago, I learnt that when we forgive, we forgive ourselves first hence benefit the most from it. Many times we do not forgive because of pride, other times is not to encourage a repeat of the hurt or seem weak but not forgiving has been well summarized in your quote “Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die”

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  21. Expressing the pain is what does it for me. Like you I’m open to hearing out the other person involved in whatever grudge. Maybe see things from their perspective and analyse the situation to see if I was the bad guy. Not always helpful as you said but it provides a line of communication for settling differences.
    Loved your points 💚

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  22. It’s hard as we are human, but letting go is the best thing. It rids you of the weight of a grudge and you feel so much better and moving on won’t be as harf

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  23. Olivia….you’ve just made my day….why do I say….while I write these line & sway….this is the way I used to walk on my shaky way….but later I found out, it’s not my path, it’s me who used to shake….so I can relate….to the lines of yours that I’ve just read….they’re beautiful written, by the way….”let it go” I hated so much, I would reach to the darker shades….coz I felt, people didn’t get me, infact they did misunderstand & misinterpret….it’s easy to say “let it go” & leaving the matter in the middle, sounded so crazy….jumping to something different & asking for forgiveness right away….was far far away….it’s sometimes out of the way….coz sometimes it takes time to let it fly free in the space….all I’m saying is that thanks for your sharing ❤️

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  24. My most recent blog post is about forgiveness. 😀 I find that when I am angry or holding a grudge, shifting my focus can help me process my emotions. Shifting my attention to exercising, reading, writing, or anything that brings me joy is helpful. Also realizing that forgiveness comes when my mind and heart are ready and not when other people say I should forgive has been a big part in helping me.

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  27. I think I am the worst at letting go of grudges. I understand that it is healthy to let go of the hurt and burden but I can’t seem to find a way to do it yet. This post is great and it made me think about how the only person I really should be forgiving is myself before I start to forgive others who have hurt me.
    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I think we all struggle with it in some ways. I can understand that some things can’t be forgiven!
      Im so glad this post could be of help at least a little ☺️ thank you for reading & sharing your thoughts!

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      1. I didn’t know about the power of speaking out until a friend cornered me into talking to her.
        I had spent weeks writing pages and pages about how angry I had been. But as soon as I described them out loud I began laughing.. LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s it so funny how that happens. That happens to me too, whenever I say something out loud that I’ve been feeling for a long time im like wow this doesnt even make sense, but it makes so much sense when its tucked away in your head. A great process to do! im sure you felt better after for it!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It’s weird right? You think you’ve got this and that you’re acting rationally. Are we programmed to act tough???

        For me it’s been a process but that was the one empowering moment that began turning things around for me. Someone advised me to say them aloud to myself. ♥ One of the coolest advice I’ve ever gotten too. It all comes down to simplicity, waking up doing the things we normally do while processing these feelings. Yoga helped me too.

        It’s always 100 times worse when its tucked away or you’re just writing it down for yourself and not connecting with anyone. It’s been almost a year since all that drama and heartbreak happened. Seriously thinking of celebrating…LOL

        Thanks for posting something everyone can relate to 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I have heard that advice before, say it out loud to yourself. It makes you realise its just a thought and its not a real thing. Which can help to disassociate yourself with it.
        I’m so glad you were able to get through it, you should celebrate! You got through a year since it happened. How amazing is that 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

      5. It’s even funnier when you say it to yourself 😀
        I don’t do it very often but I do remind myself that whatever bad scenarios are going through my head are just my thoughts. I even let anxious thoughts run their course because suppressing them makes them worse.

        Yup, a year since I discovered I was surrounded and invested in the wrong people. ♥

        Liked by 1 person

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