Mental Health, Relationships

4 Tips For Dating Someone With Anxiety

by Olivia

Dealing with any type of mental illness is hard, but add a relationship into it and it makes it even harder for some people. It can be hard especially when you yourself have never suffered with any sort of mental illness. I know the feeling of wanting to help people but not being sure what to do because I haven’t ever been through what they’re going through. So I wrote this from my perspective. I am an anxiety sufferer, I have been for many years. And these are the things that I would want the guy I’m dating to know.

BE PATIENT

Be patient with us, we might not want to open up straight away. We might not want to leave our homes, we might not want to see you. As an anxiety sufferer I know for myself that I like time away from people. I like being alone sometimes, and thats okay. Patience is a really big one because its hard when you don’t understand what someone is going through, but remember we are okay and we have been through this many times before.

REALISE IT’S NOT YOU

This is such a big one to remember. If you are in a relationship with someone with anxiety, you are probably the closest person to them, so that means a lot of their feelings and anxieties get dumped on you. Please know this is not intentional. We don’t mean to do this, but it happens. Just know we need you there to comfort us when we go through it.

IT’S OKAY IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

As I mentioned in one of the earlier points, its okay if you don’t understand. Most of the time we don’t either. It’s hard to relate to what someone is going through if you haven’t ever been through it before, you can sympathise but not empathise. We don’t expect you to understand, we just need someone there to listen to us. The mind is such a complex thing that I would be very surprised if anybody (anxiety or not) could understand each others thought processes. And I’m not sure I’d want to either.

TAKE EACH DAY AS THEY COME

Every single day will be different, some better than others. Don’t worry about tomorrow, next week or next year. Focus on the present day. Things will get better for us, in time. Each day is a fresh start, meaning whatever happened the day before can be wiped clean and we can start again. Some days will be better than others as anxiety can be triggered by many things, or even sometimes nothing at all. It’s okay if we have a bad day, because good days come too.

Do you suffer with mental illness? Or do you have a loved one who does? What advice could you share to add to this list?

Everybody is different, and thats what makes us who we are. These tips are from my personal view and what I want from someone I’m in a relationship with to consider! We all have different ideals and standards we want from partners, ours may be different or the same.

Olivia x

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38 thoughts on “4 Tips For Dating Someone With Anxiety”

  1. It can be so hard to know how the other person is feeling, especially when you don’t suffer with anxiety yourself. These tips were reassuring and helped put things into perspective.

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      1. I am beyond impressed with your approach on this topic. I have lived with Depression, anxiety etc for more years than I would care to admit. For me it appears at times a little harder admit that as I advance in years. But knowing that I have survived to date is a success but that is another story. One of my daughters lives with Social Anxiety and that as a parent is a very hard thing to watch. BUT being understandable Not in a false type manner BUT realistically understandable and generally being one whom they can go to or even feel comfortable enough to go to you is a major achievement. I work on replacing (at times it is trying to be) Negative with Positive… ie. Making it through a prior situation is a positive Even if one feels it was hell. again great topic.

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  3. There are times when people fail to understand what the other person is going through, and rather than being there for them they tend to leave them. It’s good to have people to understand and listen to them. A beautiful post. 🙂

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    1. I agree. I guess it’s hard on each person isn’t it? People often run when they feel as though they cant understand something instead of trying to learn and understand. And thats where we often fail as humans. We need more understanding and more love to one another.

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  4. This is a wonderful post!! Thank you for sharing! I am happy and grateful that my partner helped me a lot with my anxiety and was so understanding but I know some people are not that lucky

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    1. Some people aren’t, you’re right. It can be really hard to express how you feel and some people just don’t get it. Its a blessing you have that person who can be there for you through it.
      Thank you for reading 💛

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  6. I wish I could help you to cure anxiety. I loved your dating advice, will definitely keep in mind. I also know I cannot empathize with you but my sympathies are always with you. My tips for you would be that live life with open arms, welcome whatever comes, good or bad. Life is a mix of experience and memories. Take a deep breath whenever you feel anxious, try keep calm and say its OK, its fine, everything will be well. I hope it will help you a lot.

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  9. I totally agree with these! As someone with anxiety I can really relate. I don’t expect my partner to understand or to magically make me feel better I just want them to be patient and give me my space.

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  10. Love these points and as someone with anxiety these are points I would tell someone that is dating me as well!

    I would add two points I thought of:

    1) DONT JUDGE – yes it may be hard sometimes but I don’t want to feel that the person that is dating me is judging me based on my anxiety. I would rather they look and appreciate the good qualities of me, rather than allow my anxiety to dominate their judgement of me. None of us are perfect and if I feel judged due to my anxiety it will only make things worse

    2) REALISE THAT WE ARE TRYING – for me, anxiety is something that is on my mind every day. and that can be really really exhausting at times. I am trying my best to cope despite it though, and the person dating me needs to recognise that. It is not easy for us to just “be ok” or “snap out of it”

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  12. My daughter has anxiety and so does her girlfriend. Sometimes it’s stressful being around them and hard to understand their issues. I agree that patience is one of the most important factors in being around people with anxiety or mental health issues. Thanks for posting this. It was very informative!

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    1. Oh yeah, it can be sooo stressful for everybody involved. Patience is the most important thing to remember & just having grace with people. They cant help what they are feeling and thinking!
      We should do everything in love ☺️

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  13. This is a great post and such an important one to share. For me something I feel is important for someone that doesn’t have Anxiety to know is that they we are not in control and if we could stop it then we definitely would. For me as someone who has anxiety its important not to be told “you just need to stop worrying and overthinking things” if we could we definitely would. Anxiety isn’t something we choose x

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  14. Pingback: How To Love Someone With a Mental Health Illness – Olivia Lucie Blake

  16. Thank you for this. I am a depression and anxiety survivor. I wish I had understood my problems back in my 20’s & 30’s, etc. I ruined many relationships due to this. But now I have learned how I need to go a bit more slowly. The hardest part is actually just letting her know what I’m going through, but it’s something I do when I feel ready. I tried telling one woman during one of our first phone calls, and that just turned her off. While I have made many mistakes, I also do think and know that I have had just a ton of bad luck, hence my not just still being single, but not even a date since the summer.
    May I also add, as per my experience, that being patient sexually with a man with anxiety is very important. For me, it has not just been dating, I know i have had intimacy issues.

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    1. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing that with us. I think for alot of people with mental health problems don’t understand it themselves alot of the time so it can be hard to explain it to others. All of those things that happened in the past were just lessons you needed to learn, and I hope they were beneficial into who you are today!

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      1. Thank you so much Olivia. Yes, I am trying to learn and get better every day. I actually consider myself a depression survivor. But I do wish things like better dating luck would come as I am more positive.

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