Mental Health

An Open Letter to My Anxiety

by Olivia

I have suffered with anxiety for most of my adult life,. It’s something I’ve learnt to live with and I know others who suffer from it feel that way too. People who suffer with mental illnesses can seem fine and dandy on the outside but only they know what’s going on, in the inside.

I saw my friend Niraj post recently about anxiety, and it was like he was speaking to his anxiety like it was a person. I like the idea of facing it head on like its a friend or an enemy in my case. The idea seemed so good so I thought I’d take my own spin on it and write my own open letter to my anxiety.

A BACKSTORY

I thought before I get started I would share a little background about my anxiety and where and when it started. My anxiety started (I think) from a major life event that happened when I was younger. And that was a passing of a loved one. I remember feeling sad and worried about what would happen next. But I also remember never really understanding what I was going through. From then on I remember not wanting to stay away from home, not wanting to go on days out without my parents. I felt a sense of worry whenever I wasn’t around them.

This slowly started to fade out as I got older and grew more confident in myself, but as an adult my anxiety seemed to change. It got more intense and felt as though it latched onto other things. I suffered with panic attacks probably everyday for a whole year. And now we get to present time, in 2020. I have more control over my anxiety than I ever have. Which is why I feel so comfortable in talking to my anxiety head on. I’ve come through it and feel as though I know my triggers and know when and why it happens. There is alot less uncertainty around it.

So here is my letter to my anxiety. Let’s see what I choose to say!

DEAR ANXIETY,

I don’t need to introduce myself because you already know who I am. We have been together for a while now. I don’t know the number of years, months or days but we have got to know each other well over the years.

You know what makes me cry, you know what makes me worried and you know what makes me scared. Because you are the one who makes me feel that way. I sometimes wish I never met you, but then often times I’m glad I did. I’ve enjoyed all the times where you have told me I couldn’t do something, and then you then had to watch me do it anyway. There is something very powerful in knowing you had to sit and watch me accomplish something when you told me I’d never could.

I want you to know that you don’t control me. You are not the owner of me and who I am. I want you to know that you shouldn’t get too comfortable. You have outstayed your welcome. All those times you seemed to have won, I showed you time and time again I was the one in control. You knocked me down but I got back up every time. You don’t control me anymore.

I see you sometimes, unexpectedly. Sometimes when I feel as though I’m having a good day. You show up to remind me you’re still there, but you don’t scare me anymore. Not like when I was a kid. I didn’t know what you were, but now I see you for who you are. You are nothing more than a thought in my mind. I can’t smell you, I can’t taste you and I can’t touch you. You are not real. You do not scare me.

One thing I have learnt from our terrible relationship is that I know where we stand with one another.

Anxiety, I am more than what you make me feel.

What would you say to your mental illness if you were writing a letter to it?

Olivia x 
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105 thoughts on “An Open Letter to My Anxiety”

  5. Title: Never underestimate the power that I have within to defeat you, the darkest of days.

    Each time you have tried to defeat me, I triumph in the end. I triumph because I have people in my life that matter. They matter because they understand me better than myself. Once I am reminded of myself, the spiral stops. Calmness pervades. I pick myself up, dust myself off and like the whirlwind of new beginnings, I embrace all around me.

    I have more to offer than you will ever know

    Yours never, ever…

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  6. I saw Niraj’s post too, and I think it’s kinda great to think of anxiety as something like a person that you can talk to. It gives you a way to identify the problems that it creates and even work your way around them 🙂

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  7. This got me teary eyed. I struggle with anxiety for sometime now., never thought of writing a letter too address her. Thank you for sharing.

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  8. I admire you Olivia for having the courage to share your story. You are such a strong beautiful woman inside and out and are an inspiration to others! The way you describe your emotions in your letter is so raw and honest. Thank you for sharing! 😊💕🤗

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  9. I would tell it:
    I know you’ve been sneaking around since I was a child. I see you, I feel you, I hear you… I recognize your presence and I will not ignore you, rather let you watch me let you go. You will see that I see you, but you will also see that I can handle your presence better now and am able to allow you to be there so I can examine you rather than pushing you away. I am not fighting with you, I am accepting of you. I accept you will always come and go and I can handle you better than ever before. You do not control me.

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    1. 🙌🏼 I loved this because I feel like trying to hide from it doesnt help. We have to acknowledge that its with us, but that doesnt mean we let it take over us

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  15. Thank you for sharing this part of your life. I can relate to that feeling… I feel that way when my husband travels, if he’s been away from home for more than an hour, etc. it’s consuming and frustrating but it’s gotten to the point where he’s put trackers on his devices and a walkie talkie on his watch so I can check in if I’m worried 🙈 how did you get to this point where you can just speak to your anxiety freely?

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    1. I think what triggered me was the fact that I hated the feeling of being anxious. I hated the feeling it caused, thats what I was afraid of. I learnt from a therapy book once you should let the feeling wash over you and then let it pass and honestly thats what I started doing. And it actually worked. I still get anxious of course but I’m no longer afraid of it because I feel as though I have control over it

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  16. This✨👏🏾👏🏾My anxiety started from something similar—you could never get your head around anxiety. I can be having the best time but still have those panic attacks that shakes me to my core.

    I love this post, Olivia. Good on you🧡🧡 xx

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  18. This was incredibly powerful Olivia. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing with us! I don’t suffer with anxiety but I am certainly familiar with depression. Each bring their own struggles and sit under the umbrella of mental illness. I do remember times where I had to put on performances in my drama class though- I had more anxious feelings than I probably should have. I didn’t want anyone to really truly see me. Even though we were wearing masks, I knew all eyes and everyone’s attention was on me. I just couldn’t do it and I had to leave. It stuck with me because it was a very debilitating experience.

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    1. I’m so sorry to hear that. I think those things come and go in life, we live and learn from them. The more we do, the less we worry. I was the same way before I started my job. I hated speaking with people on calls and now it comes so naturally to me. Its the fear of judgement and the unknown. You will overcome it!

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  20. Pingback: An Open Letter to My Anxiety – Rush Naf

  21. You said the words for me. I wouldn’t put it any other way. What a powerful letter. 👍
    I have felt the pain of anxiety as well so I understand in my own way and this post makes me feel proud of you. 👏 You are in control.

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  24. I have struggled with anxiety since 2016 after I was given one academic year suspension in college.

    Anxiety attacks come on and off depending on what is happening in my life. I am learning to live with it though. I have discovered its something I cannot get rid off completely. I just have to accept it and learn to control it attack after attack.

    I might even write my anxiety a letter like you did. I loved it😍

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    1. Learning to accept that its in your life is the best thing you can do. You’re right, you cant get rid of it, and even if you do there might be traces of it still there. You just learnt coping mechanisms and how to deal with it in your life.

      Please do! It was a really good learning experience for me.

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  28. I always find it interesting hearing about other people’s anxiety (although obviously not wanting others to go through it too!). This was so inspiring too, thank you 😊

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  32. What a powerful post! There’s no cure to anxiety, and I love how you captured that but you still managed to instill hope in me as a reader that just because it won’t go away doesn’t mean it can control me.

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  36. It takes a lot to acknowledge and face anxiety in this manner. I hope everyone who is going through this finds the realisation that they’re more than that. More power to you, Olivia! 💜

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  38. I had this kind of many issues. Anxiety was one of that . I was 16 years old when the same happened to me but I can’t say what and why was that affection for hun and after 1 year later I found but he cheated me . So I was in depression and I can feel what you felt.

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  45. This was a great idea to directly talk to your anxiety. And i felt each word you said to your anxiety. I felt the same way when i was going through this few years back. I am whole lot stronger now. It still hits back once in a while though.

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  48. Perhaps I’m too aggressive, but I confront my anxieties head on because I resent them even trying to control my life. Once I recognized them, I began fighting back. I know they can be relentless, well so can I and I won’t allow them to win.

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