Something I have come to realise as I have gotten older is that more people than you think experience loneliness and feeling lonely. I know as I have gotten older, and my circle of friends got smaller, I have felt lonely from time to time too.
At the beginning of this year I completed a really big life goal for myself, I moved out. I’d never lived alone before, so wasn’t sure how I would feel. At first, it was tough. I felt lonely alot, but you get yourself into a routine and being alone really forces you to make the effort to see people and continue building those important relationships.
I’m a big Tik Tok user and I see so many videos on my home page of young people talking about not having friends in their twenties. They talk about how life outside of their immediate relationship or family can feel lonely, and how making friends is difficult. And I agree. Alot of the friendships we have now are from when we were younger. From school, or jobs. I know alot of my friendships are. Making friends in 2022 isn’t easy at all. We go out less, we interact face to face less too. It’s easy to pick up your phone and download a dating app, but there aren’t many options to create real friendships online.
WE ALL GO THROUGH PHASES OF FEELING LONELY
I really wanted to make this post for that one person who feels like they’re alone in feeling this way. I want to reassure you, that your feelings right now are valid and you’re not alone in feeling how you do. I’m sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of other people your age going through the same thing. It can feel awful. Feeling lonely can have you questioning everything in life. You wonder why you don’t have friends. You feel jealous because you see other people out enjoying life with their friends and you don’t have that.
For me, my feelings of loneliness comes and goes. It hasn’t happened for a while now. But, whenever I feel lonely I always do something to change that. I arrange plans with the friends I do have, or I go and see my parents. Sometimes you have to remember that the power is in your hands. Don’t just wait for someone to reach out to you, you reach out to them.
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HOW TO BUILD CONNECTIONS AS AN ADULT
The hardest part of living in our world in 2022, is how hard it is to make real in person connections with people. You aren’t at school anymore, you aren’t as confident as you were as a child either. So making friends doesn’t come as easy. Making new connections as an adult is something I think we all struggle to navigate. It takes some confidence and courage to build those new friendships because it’s not as easy as it was when you were younger.
Try talking to new people at work, or building your circle of friends online. Sometimes all we need is an ear to listen, and online friendships can be great for that. Another great tip is joining in person activity groups. Maybe you like running? Find a local running club and see if you can build some friendships there. This process might take some courage, and doing something out of your comfort zone. But it will all be worth it when you make yourself a new friend.
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Do you ever go through phases of feeling lonely? How do you overcome it? What tips could you share?
💜 I Have Done a Complete 180° from My “Twenties” and realised that most of My Misery is InCompatible Energy EveryOne; so from Being Desperate for Company I NOW!!! Prefer Being Left Alone Face-To-Face but NOT!!! Lonely…a Screen Provides Me Protection from Face-To-Face InCompatible Energy and Invites OnLine Social Activities that I Enjoy; instead of The Stress and Pressure of Face-To-Face Manipulation; what Online Activity Gives Me is Time to Reflect before ReActing, if I CHOOSE!!! to ReAct
…💛💚💙…
A much needed post!! I’m 21 now and I agree to eveything you said. It sucks not knowing how to not be lonely, especially when you are dealing with depression and anxiety.
It can be difficult, but you still bave so much time to meet amazing people ahead of you!
The most striking part of your post Olivia is when you say how being lonely can make you question everything, and make you wonder why you don’t have more friends. This is very true, and as someone who is well out of my twenties, I find myself looking to the past for answers. But the answers aren’t always clear, and ultimately it isn’t very helpful.
As you say, we always think loneliness is unique to ourselves, but it isn’t. And your tips about joining a group of like-minded people can help, though it’s often a leap if we have lost some self-confidence.
When it comes down to it, it is the quality of your friendships, not the quantity and like you, I make the effort to maintain the ones I have – I consider them very precious.
Great post.
Honestly, sometimes there are no reasons as to why people find themselves with less friends as we all grow and age. Our circles get smaller, or maybe bigger in some cases depending in the cirumstances we find ourselves in.
When were younger, alot of our school friendships are very surface level. I remember someone telling me that you find out who your true friends are after you leave. And honestly you do. Majority of my friends now I have made from my adult life, I only have a couple that go back many years. We out grow people don’t we, and thats okay.
You’re so right, quality over quantity always when it comes to the relationships in our lives.
I couldn’t agree more with everything that you have said.
Danielle | thereluctantblogger.co.uk
Thanks so much for reading!
My year of living alone really taught me loads of self sufficiency. I’m happy I did it, but I also don’t miss it.
Living alone can teach you so much cant it?!
I think it’s important to learn to be comfortable living with/by yourself. It prepares you for living with someone else in a healthy way. But that’s coming from the POV of an only child.
I agree! I think it helps develop alot of skills, and teaches us to be reliant on ourselves too. Builds independence.
Nice Post 🤠
Thank you!
My pleasure 😄
Have a beautiful day!!🤠✌️
Butterfly 🦋
Feeling lonely is one of the biggest things I’ve learnt about my twenties and something I never expected. I’m the same. Sometimes I feel fine and sometimes it comes back. It’s really reassuring to hear I’m not the only one though! I would never have normally thought to give a post about this a read but it was reassuring to know I’m not alone.
As for making real connections, I think the vast expansion and development of social media over the last 5-6 years has a lot to say for that. And specially this time, not so much before it. I thinking it’s reeking social havoc over our social lives and behaviours psychologically over society. A bit deep there :’D but I think it’s having a much more widespread psychological impact over our social behaviours and normalities across everyone. Like, I feel like it’s at a point where we don’t even make real connections online anymore.
Ellie x
Thanks for reading Ellie, I’m so glad that I could make you feel less alone in what you have been feeling. You are so right. Real, in person connections are few and far between. Sometimes I wish we could go back to how it was before social media and technology. Friendships and relationships were so much deeper and had much more meaning. Today, they are easily replaceable. Nobody wants to work on the connections they have. It makes me sad. x
I am always going through periods of lonlieness, and my friend circle is getting smaller. But I am really going to try to put myself out there next academic year at uni x
Rose | https://flourishwithrose.com/