The Best Way To Honour A Lost Loved One

Losing someone you adored in your family can be a painful experience to say the least, but as the old and wonderful worlds go (at the risk of sounding like a cliche), grief is the price we pay for love. The worse you feel about the loss of someone close to you, the more love you had for them, and there are at least a few small moments in comfort for that. Of course, the pain and upset aren’t necessarily a sign that you really loved them, so if you feel a little numb or static right now, that’s an entirely understandable and natural reaction too.

In the meantime, planning the funeral, making sure you can work through and handle their possessions as they have requested, and meeting with our loved ones are all worthwhile steps to take right now. But outside of the usual, perhaps you wish to do something special for them to show how much you care, even if they’re not here right now.

Now, you don’t need to do anything in this post to “prove” your love, but if you have the means and time to do so, you may find some healthy and worthwhile practices going forward:

This is a contributed post.

FIND A TOKEN THAT MEANS SOMETHING

It can be comforting to have something tangible to remind you of your loved one. This doesn’t mean rushing to make grand gestures or expensive purchases, because sometimes, or even quite commonly, the simplest items carry the most meaning. This might be something they owned, such as a piece of jewelry they used to wear, a book they loved, or even a photograph that speaks to the kind of person they were with your children.

You might also consider creating something new that represents their memory. Some people plant a tree in their garden or choose a special item to carry with them daily, like a locket with an image of them in it, or even a necklace with a small part of their ashes in it. If you’re handling their possessions, you might come across something that feels like it was meant for this. For instance, in a family home passed down to you, having a lovely niche plaque from Memorials.com engaged and placed on the wall can be a timeless part of your home. These tokens can serve as quiet reminders of your connection and the lessons they left behind.

DEDICATE IN THEIR NAME

A dedication can be a nice way to showcase your remembrance of a loved one. A bench in a park they loved, a plaque like those we discussed above, or even a donation to a local library for a book fund can all be deeply personal ways of marking their presence in the world and it might tie them to an interest they once had, carrying on their legacy and preferences.

Some families choose to name scholarships or awards in honor of their loved one, or even set up foundations with modest charitable fundraising drives for a loved one taken too soon. Others might simply dedicate their next creative work such as a song, a poem, or even a small garden patch if they enjoy those measures as a hobby. If you write books, that intro dedication can be a fantastic part of your creative output. Dedicating something in their name is less about the size of the gesture and more about the thought and care that goes into it, so don’t think it’s about the dollar count here.

FUNDRAISE TO HELP A CAUSE

Some people intend to fundraise to help a cause, sometimes tangentially related to the experience your loved one has had. For instance, if your loved one suffered from brain cancer, you might sign on to run the half-marathon in your city this time next year and fundraise to see if you can earn a donation for a charity that works on finding cures.

This can help you showcase that your memory and love for them have contributed to something wonderful and worthwhile, and perhaps your efforts could help someone else in the future. For instance, if your loved one cared about children and tried to fundraise for those in hospitals in their early years, then fundraising to help with that could be a saving grace for a new family. That’s not to say we should make other people our project, but funnelling money in the right direction can always make a positive difference.

PASS ON THEIR LESSONS, HISTORY & TEACHING

It’s hard to think of a greater form of flattery than trying to be like someone and to pass on what you learned from them. It shows they really had an influence on you and you want to continue that with the highest amount of goodwill and love.

Maybe your loved one was known for their kindness, and you make a point to embody that in your daily life by trying to be a little more patient with other people. We don’t know what other people are going through after all, even if they seem reserved or even rude on the surface. Perhaps they taught you how to bake a particular recipe or encouraged you to pursue a hobby and you can pass those down to your children as well. Even if it’s just a lovely phrase they used to say to you that you held close to your heart, it all counts. You don’t have to write their memoirs but you may find something nourishing here. Of course, some efforts are also just good practice, like retaining and preserving pictures of them.

LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH ABUNDANCE & GRATITUDE

They say that the best and most ultimate revenge you can have is a life well lived. Well, that goes for honoring someone you love too. Because it’s likely that there’s nothing they would want more than for you to do this. 

To move on and remember them of course, but not to feel spiralling in your grief or as if you can’t move on. For instance, it’s a hard topic to talk about, but deep down most people would like their partner to find love again if they were no longer around, and not be alone and sad forever.

So, sometimes all you need to do to honour your loved one is live a good day today, even if you can do nothing else.

Olivia x