How Attachment Styles Shape Love

When it comes to love and relationships, we often think about chemistry, timing, and compatibility. But did you know that your attachment style plays a major role in how you connect with others? It’s like the invisible blueprint that shapes how you give and receive love.

LET’S GET STARTED ON WHAT AN ATTACHMENT STYLE IS…

Attachment theory was developed by psychologist John Bowlby. He suggests that the way we connect to our caregivers as kids impacts how we form relationships as adults. In short terms, our early childhood experiences with love shape how we show love in our romantic relationships. There are 4 main attachment styles. Secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised.

In this post we will go through each attachment style and what it means to be that attachment style in relationships.

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THE SECURE ATTACHMENT: THE LOVE GURU

If you’re securely attached, you likely have a healthy, balanced approach to relationships. You’re comfortable with closeness and your partner depending on you. You trust your significant other and feel confident in your love. For people who have secure attachment styles, love is about mutual support, communication and respect. You’re the one who calmly reassures your partner when things get tough and are happy to work through challenges together.

THE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT: THE CLINGY LOVER

If you have an anxious attachment style, you may crave closeness but also worry about rejection or abandonment. You tend to get caught in cycles of overthinking and seeking constant reassurance from your partner. You might find yourself texting them over and over or wondering If your partner still loves you. Do you want the good news? With self-awareness and building trust, anxious attachment can soften and you can often become more secure when you’re with the right person. Top tip – most anxious attachment lovers need a secure attachment style partner.

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THE AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT: THE EMOTIONAL ESCAPE ARTIST

Avoidant’s value their independence and may shy away from too much closeness. You might feel uncomfortable with deep emotional intimacy or prefer to handle things on your own. In relationships you tend to downplay emotions or withdraw when things get too close. While avoidant’s are often seen as “detached,” this behaviour usually stems from a fear of being vulnerable. With some growth and openness, avoidant’s can learn to embrace emotional closeness without feeling overwhelmed.

THE DISORGANISED ATTACHMENT: THE TORN LOVER

If you have a disorganised attachment style, your behaviour might seem unpredictable. You want to love but fear it at the same time. Which can lead to emotional highs and lows. This style is often linked to trauma or inconsistent caregiving in childhood. In relationships, you may struggle with trust and push-pull dynamics. Healing and therapy can help create a more stable and healthier way for you to connect with others.

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No matter your attachment style, understanding it can help you navigate relationships with more self-awareness and empathy. By recognising your patterns, you can create healthier, more fulfilling connections with your partner—and maybe even discover a new, secure way of loving yourself!

Olivia x