Figuring Out What You Want In A Relationship

If you’re currently single and plan to change that in the near future, right now you’re probably thinking about the perfect potential partner. What do they look like? What do they do? How do they tackle challenges? How do they approach romance? And questions like these are all well and good, but so many people could fit the bill! You need to narrow down the field a bit more and think about what you want out of the actual relationship. Here are some tips on figuring that out.

This is a contributed post

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF FIRST

Getting to know yourself isn’t always a natural process. Some people can go from one relationship to the other and never take a moment to know who they are on their own. And when you realise that, it can bother you! So why not focus on this idea for now, and see how it can positively change the way you approach dating. 

Indeed, some people like to ‘date themselves’ to find out more about the way they approach relationships, and to also just get back in touch with the person they really are. And if you were in an intimacy counselling session, this idea would be the first thing suggested to you; find out what you like, and then go out there and look for it. 

THINK ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS

If you’ve had relationships before, but it’s been a little while since your last one ended, it might be time for a period of introspection. What went wrong? Why did you break up? What left you feeling unsatisfied? These are all good questions to try and answer here, even if they’re a little tricky to consider thanks to some bad experiences in your life before. 

Because when you know how things deteriorated, and what you were missing from the partnership, it’s much easier to figure out who you want to connect with next. You’ll know what kind of partner you’ll want in your life, and instead of hyper focusing on the small details you think are important, you’ll have the make or breaks that really matter. 

WHAT BOUNDARIES DO YOU NEED?

It’s also a good idea to try and set some relationship boundaries. A.k.a., what looks like a red flag to you? What’s the absolute minimum you want from a new relationship? What will make you want to walk away, and what’s a surefire sign to stay? 

Instead of looking to the past to figure out why you broke up with someone else, you’re looking forward here. You’re considering what you need from a person in the dating world by taking these hypotheticals into account, and putting yourself first by setting some sure and strong boundaries. 

Knowing what you want in a relationship can be hard. It can take a lot of time and effort to figure out where you want to go and who you want to go with. But it’s a worthy pursuit, so be sure to try it. 

Olivia x 
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