One thing I really dislike about society now-a-days is how it makes you feel bad. It makes you feel bad if you’re not slim enough, if you don’t earn X amount of money etc. Society makes you feel you’re not successful or you’re behind everyone else if you’re going at a different pace. Social media has a huge play in this because you constantly see everyone online buying houses, having babies and getting married. Its a natural and human thing to think, well why am I not there yet? There are so many things in life you shouldn’t feel bad about. And this post is your reminder.
Its normal and natural to compare yourself to others, heck.. I do it too! We are humans after all. But please don’t pressure yourself or think there’s something wrong with you if you’re not where everyone else is.
When coming up with new content for the new year, I knew I wanted to talk on this topic because with a new year comes expectations. And I want to break down that expectation so you know there is no pressure on you to do anything you don’t want to this year. It’s so important for our mental health that we don’t pressurise ourselves into believing we should be at a certain point in our lives. When its perfectly okay if we aren’t.
NOT HAVING EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT
Im 26 and I have only just started figuring things out in my life. I always tell younger people than me that its okay if you have 3 jobs in 3 years because you don’t know what you want to do. It’s okay if you don’t want to go to university or if you aren’t sure what your passions are. We need to stop pressurising people into thinking they have to have everything figured out.
As I said, I have only just now started making decisions regarding my future and thats okay! Because my life is going at my own pace.
GAINING WEIGHT
A New year and after Christmas can be such a triggering time in alot of peoples lives due to the stigma around weight gain. I realise this is such a sensitive topic and I will approach it with caution. But I thought it is something that should be mentioned. As someone who has fluctuating weight her whole life, I know how this feels. When you gain weight you tend to hear remarks from other people and are made to feel bad about it.
Gaining weight is one of those things that we all go through in life at some point. Please don’t ever feel bad for gaining some pounds. For those who are on the outside looking in, please be cautious and kind around people who you notice that have gained weight. Christmas and the New Year are the only times of the year when alot of people feel fully comfortable to eat and drink what they want. You never know the reason behind someone gaining weight, it could be a health condition. You have no right to comment.
BAD MENTAL HEALTH DAYS
On occasion I have felt bad after having bad mental health days, which shouldn’t be the case because its not like I can help it. Just like if it was a physical health issue, you’d probably be encouraged to take it slow or take time off. There should be no difference in doing this for your mental health. Don’t ever let people make you feel bad for needing time off to recoup and recharge.
There is this stigma around mental health sometimes, especially from those who don’t experience it themselves. We can often be described as lazy and unmotivated when we need to take days off, but we know this isn’t the case. We need these days in order to be motivated.
SETTING BOUNDARIES
Don’t ever feel bad for setting boundaries with people in your life. Boundaries are sometimes needed and have to be in place in order for you to function and be around people. You are allowed to say no to people if you don’t want to do something. You should never feel bad about making yourself a priority. Often we spend alot of time worrying about others, and tend to forget about ourselves. Let’s change this now, put yourself first.
2021 is not the year for you to come last in life, that rarely ever works out. Set those boundaries without even thinking of the after effects.
What are some things you think we shouldn’t feel bad about?
What would you add to this list?
Olivia x
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People who are the first to put you down are usually the most insecure themselves. If they manage to have the “right” look or whatever it is probably because they sacrifice themselves in pursuit of those things. Chances are they are miserable and only want to make you feel as bad as they do.
You’re so right! Alot of the time they are just projecting what they feel about themselves onto you!
I had an aunt who ripped on my parents for what we “didn’t have”. That episode taught me all I needed to know.
This is so true, and pointing out how miserable people might feel might make it seem like you are bitter. You might lose the weight, the your height, the shape of your nose and the color of your skin is another issue to deal with.
It can look that way but I don’t think it shows bitterness at all!
Agreed.
I relate so much to the weight gain and bad mental health days. I just don’t want to worry about my weight more than my health anymore. I also have found that motivational quotes and videos help to break the not that I don’t want to accept that it’s just a bad day, but it can easily turn into a week and into a month for me.
I am the same too. So often one day does lead into months because we start to think why bother? Its a hard cycle to fix!
Yes, I love your post because it’s written with so much compassion. I think the acknowledging that everyone is trying their best, will decrease judgment.
Outstanding post Olivia! The pressure to compare myself to others and even my “former self” along with the weight gain are things I struggle with recently. I really need this reminder on occasion 🙂 Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much Amy! 🙂 Sometimes you just need that reminder!
Never feel bad about falling inlove, even if that love isn’t returned, never feel bad about ones truest emotions, cause it’s there you can find peace, and ways to respect and love yourself in the process, there is something powerful about recognizing the love one has to offer in this life, and to give love, it start to flow, a little easier, bit by bit, more and more🤍
You’re so right 💛 great reminders there for us all.
Oh God, I don’t think I’ll ever have it figured out. Maybe if I gave up ever trying to learn anything again haha! I think learning is just a part of life.
Girl me either! Everyday is a learning curve!
Oh there are so many things and a lot of them relate to material posessions. Why does that person drive a nicer car, live in a bigger house, go on better vacations…. It never ends, though. There will always be someone who has more than you, or better things than you. That’s why gratitude is so important.
You’re right! And on the flip side there are probably people who look at you and say the same thing! So just in that we should be grateful for all we have
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling dispirited for even the slightest discomfort. Your post made me think about the fact that we should be grateful for what we have and not lament over what not❤
I’m so glad it was thought provoking for you. You are so right 💛
Very well said, Olivia!!! 💖💖
Thanks so much!!
I relate most to the last section about not feeling bad about setting boundaries. This is something I worked on this past year and am continuing to make goals to work on this year. After moving closer to family, getting married, and having kids I spent most of my time focused on making everyone else happy. This seemed to work until it didn’t. Now I am playing catch-up and I’m working on adding things to my life that make me happy.
I feel like alot of parents do this. You get caught up in being a wife or husband and a parent and you forget about who you are. Its kinda sad. I hope you are able to find that balance!
Hi Olivia, you are so right on weight gain!
The other thing I came to appreciate throughout 2020 was accepting that I loved spending time with myself. It’s tough when your colleagues and friends always want to know your weekend plans and only applaud if it involves going out, partying or eating out- I learned that it’s okay to want to sleep in, watch a movie or just spend the day in bed.
You’re so right. That was always the topic of conversation on Fridays. “What are you doing this weekend?” … Erm nothing! And I always felt this pressure to fill my weekend with “fun” things. When fun to me is spending time at home and relaxing!
It was great reading this piece of writing!😃 I always used to compare myself with others… I sometimes knew that it’s not the right thing to do but it kind of came into my habits or behaviour to compare every other feeling with someone else’s. But I am working on myself and will try my best to improve!😄
Thanks so much for reading! I wish you all the best on your journey!
I could so much relate to your blog and me always being behind everybody else. Never performing tasks in an efficient way. I have a mental illness and I feel bad about bad days too. Thank you for this blog BernardD
Thanks so much for reading! I think you’re doing great!
I agree with all of these! Especially not feeling bad about taking time to recharge. As a highly sensitive person, I have to pay close attention to what my body needs from me. After interacting with others, I often need to regroup my thoughts and feelings and make sure that I having absorbed the feelings from the person I was interacting with. Boundaries are vital and learning that saying no isn’t selfish is key. Great post!
This is such a great and relatable post! I have experienced everything you’ve listed. I’m 38, and although I worked a job for 18 years, I’m now in a place to figure out what it is I really want to do. I did life in a different order, and I don’t allow people’s ideas or judgement bother me. As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy, but I’m glad you stated that you compare also. Most of us do, but I believe healthy comparison is okay. Like you stated, just don’t compare yourself to a place where you feel pressured to be something different.
You’re so right about us comparing ourselves to others – “when we compete with others we become bitter, when we compete with ourselves we become better” – Anon
Figuring out life is a mind boggle. When you live based on faith you soon realise it’s not your job to figure out anything in your life. And even if we were to figure something out, you’ll probably spend your whole life doing that cos of inevitable ups and downs and curveballs being thrown in happy moments. People also shouldn’t feel bad about their financial situations
I love this! Thank you!
Such a good post, Olivia! Thanks for sharing girl!
You are very wise for 26 💕😘
I’m mad but I’m not crazy there are things that are meant to wake us up.
Truly a awesome read
It was a nice post. One day you will definitely reach your goal
Hey Olivia, its a nicely written blog. I liked it. Keep going and your blogs are an inspiration.
Thank you so much!
I have also written a short blog on metal health awareness tips. Please do check it out. Much love 🥰 and happy blogging!
https://healthmonastery.com/2020/10/10/mental-health-awareness-tips/
Hey olivia it was amazing…hope it would help someone…..i am also that sort of thinker….i have also started writting blogs shor poems….check it out and help me in building up my blog……#keepitup