If you can relate to this post, and you have been through the stages of grief and I am right there with you. Losing someone from your life is really one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Grief is different for everyone, no two people go through the same process. One of the things that I never understood was that I was never prepared for the death of someone in my life. Death isn’t a subject thats taught at school, and thats for obvious reasons. But I don’t ever remember a time where death/grief was really explained to me.
Of course I knew what dying was, but never knew the impacts it could have on the people that were left behind. I think that death and grief needs to be a something taught to younger people to make them prepared for life. Because thats a reality for alot of us. We will face people dying and we will face grief at some point in our lives.
This is why I wanted to share these things with you all. The things nobody ever tells you about before you lose someone.
IT’S A LONG PROCESS
The process of losing someone you love and grieving your loss is a long one. It never really leaves you, it stays with you for the rest of your life. I was never prepared for how long it would actually take for normal life to resume and my new life to begin. My advice is to not rush it, take your time. A major life change has happened, you don’t get over something like that quickly.
IT MIGHT BE CONFUSING
You’ve probably never been through these emotions before, or maybe you have and now you’re older but it doesn’t mean that it will be the same. If you’ve lost many people in life, I can bet that the grief you went through for each person was different. Going through the emotions that come with it can be a confusing time. One minute you’re okay and dealing with it, next you’re angry and wanting to scream.
All of these emotions are normal and are what you need to do, to get through it.
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TIME HEALS
It’s quite a cliche thing to say, but time really does heal when it comes to grief. I never believed this and always said it would never be better and would never become easier for me, but it did. Time really works wonders and allows you to slowly get back to your new normal. It might not be a quick process, but its a process that needs to take time. It’s not something to be rushed.
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IT MIGHT GET HARDER BEFORE IT GETS BETTER
Healing in any circumstance might feel worse before it feels better, and the same can be said for grief. It might get harder and harder as the time passes but eventually things will become better for you. If you’re in the throws of grief now, know this for certain that you will get through it. Remembering to be kind to yourself is really important.
LIFE WON’T BE THE SAME
Life is different now and won’t ever be the same. However, it doesn’t always mean life is worse. Things happen in life for a reason. You might not know the reason yet, but you will. When I lost my best friend, I didnt understand why but I now know. Going through that process actually helped me to become more emotional and in touch my with my emotions. Before I’d never cry or show my emotions and now I cant stop. Which is not a bad thing.
We find ourselves in these situations that are terrible, but we can always learn from them.
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What are some things you learnt going through grief? Do you have anything you’d like to share?
Grief can be something thats really hard to talk about, and for a while I would shy away from talking about my grief and my loss. But please don’t ever feel like you’re alone. Almost everyone you meet will have gone through loss at some point in their lives. Were all in this together.
Olivia x
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I lost a loved one at a really young age and at first I couldn’t process what was happening with me…but I felt that void that someone important is missing and nobody around me was ready to talk about what had happened and how to deal with it as everyone was upset. Then slowly with time I realised and understood what was happening and that loss,was a turning point in my life…. I loved reading this olivia 😄❤️
That happened to me too. I feel like I never really understood it but as I have gotten older and lost people I know that grief feels like as an adult. And it was alot different than what grief as a child was! I guess because as a child you cant really process big emotions!
♡ Totally Agree and I “learned” that kids are the best at handling “grief” until crying is conditioned out of them by abusive parenting and bullying; a book by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross called ‘Death and Dying’ is worth a read…in summary the book breaks “grief” down in to Five Stages Starting with Denial and Ending with Acceptance, Anger, Bargaining and Depression in between; which may take as long as decades while We Move amongst The Five Stages (DABDA (Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance)) or as little as less than a year
…♡♡♡…
Yes you’re so right. That book sounds great!
Love how you’ve picked this topic to talk about. Not a lot of people talk about it.
A lot of people associate grief only with losing someone to death but losing a living person can cause a lot of grief too. 🙈
I think what I learnt from dealing with my grief is that no two people process grief the same way. While the stages might be similar but everyone has their own journey to make peace with their grief.
I feel like it’s not talked about enough in life, and its something we all must deal with quietly when the time comes. And it really shouldn’t. We all go through it some way or another. Whether losing someone dead or alive or grieving a stage in our lives. As you said, its not just limited to when people pass away.
What a thoughtful post Olivia✨
I am sorry about your loss. You are right, I wish we were taught about death/loss/grief at a younger age because you don’t know how to react. I remember when my grandfather died —I couldn’t believe this would happen. It takes you by surprise because never have I imagined for anyone I loved to die (even though it sounds dumb). Like you said it’s a process. You just got to go one step at a time.
I would like to add —don’t suppress your memories of that person, even if it makes you upset, remember the good times, those moments spend with them and they will always be alive in our minds.
You’re so right Shahrin, you never think its going to happen to you and then it does and you don’t know what to do. We don’t ever expect people to die, but it’s the one certainty in life. We will all die one day.
Suppressing memories and emotions are do damaging when trying to overcome grief. My mom always told me that you should feel and accept any emotion you have when you’re going through grief. It really helps with the healing process. xx
Interestingly enough, I learned the opposite of “time heals”. My pain never went away, it just became a part of me – something that I just learned to live with. I miss my mom every day… some days are worse than others … my mental health has never been the same… there are events that trigger feeling of dispair… I dream about her about three times a week and always wake up emotional… I’ve accepted it, but in 15 years I still have not healed.
Grief can be so different for everyone. Time allowed me to heal and accept the new normal life I had without that person in it. Whereas with you, it seems as though it gets harder as the years pass. We all suffer grief, but we all deal with it to differently. Humans are amazing things!
A painful but learning lesson… Being a teache,r I often try to discuss with my students about death & What kind of Life and Death they want they have to decide and how to deal with separation …but sometimes I get scared ,is it ok to talk about it during their students lives..But as I teach Higher Grade students, I feel Necessity to discuss about it with them..and now after reading your post somewhere I feel relaxed…really it must also be the part of our Syllabus…Thank You for such an inspiring post…
I guess it is hard being a teacher and deciding whether or not its something that would help. For me personally, I’d have appreciated having a lesson about grief and death. Its a certain thing that will happen in all of our lives yet its not spoke about. Almost like a taboo subject that we only tackle when we are faced with the situation. But I think as adults we might be able to deal with those emotions better if we are somewhat prepared for them!
I learned so much from the passing of my parents. I also learned a lot from watching my dad grieve for my mother. ❤️🦋🌀🙏☯️
It can be a real learning experience can’t it!
I sort of was taught about death as a child, because both my parents died when I was a teenager. While all my friends just did the usual things that families do, I had to take a crash course in death early on, and learn to live without parents. I think in a way it made me somewhat more prepared for the deaths of others close to me as I became an adult, but it’s still a really hard thing to go through. And yes, I do think that time heals, but it never truly goes away entirely. Nearly 40 years later, if I start telling someone about my mom, I’ll slowly begin to cry again.
I agree. It never ever goes away, you just learn to live with it don’t you!
I like to take a moment to myself and almost say goodbye to them as if they were there with me, I find that being able to say goodbye in your own way with no one else around you can make it more personal and almost make it feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders
Thats a lovely thing to do. I might try that, it might help the healing process!
Thankfully I’ve never had to go through grief on a large scale but these are beneficial tips and it’s great you’re helping people! <3
I hope it does help people. I truly hope you don’t have to go through that anytime soon either 💕
You’re right, Olivia, it can be confusing. Something I’ve learned is that grief can happen over any major loss, not just death, and the way you experience grief isn’t always the same. There isn’t a set time frame or order to the stages of grief and sometimes you experience more than one level at a time.
You’re right. You can grieve the loss of people and moments in life too. Everyone is on their own grief journeys ☺️
Sometimes you’ll forget they’re gone and it’ll hit you all over again — I lost my dad in 2019 and it still feels like it just happened. But you learn to adjust and learn to live with the fact. I don’t think time HEALS all wounds, but it does help you work through them.
That happens to me so much. I’ll get a crash of emotions and its like its all new again
For a long while I’d keep thinking I haven’t sent my dad a pic of my kiddo in awhile or he hasn’t called in awhile and I’ll literally pick up my phone before remembering. It was always the freakin worst.
Well…now we’ll never be the same again
You’re right
I don’t know if this is close to grief, but sometimes, I imagine the death of a friend I haven’t even met, and I cry like it’s real.
Wow! I’ve never heard that before. Almost like you’re longing for someone you havent met yet? Interesting
Yea. I’m thinking of bringing her to life in my imagination, give her a name, give her a superpower and allow her hang around.
Excellent post Olivia. Grief is a subject not many people talk about. When someone I care about is grieving I try to just do something for them (like grocery shopping or bringing them a meal) instead of asking if they need anything. I have found that often times we feel overwhelmed and don’t want to ask for help.
Acts of service and kindness when your loved ones are going through grief is really important. It helped me alot when I had friends comforting me 💕
That’s very nice.
Read a great book years ago called the 5 stages of grief by Kubler-Rice. It really helped me understand things. Oldie but a goodie.
Thanks for sharing that. I’ll have a look into it!
It can break you. But you can also build back on it. We are so insulated from death that it is entirely shocking when it hits. But in the long run, one possible positive outcome is that it shakes you out of your regular ignorance. Your awareness reaches new peaks and you remember that there is no security in life. And that is the beauty of it.
I recently started my own blog about the loss of my fiancé. I am trying to understand everyone else’s side of grief and this helped
Yeah I feel as if grief is one of those topics that people just don’t talk about it. It is as if there is a taboo associated with it, like mental illness. But we should talk about it.Because like it or not, it is a part of life & something that we all have to deal with eventually 🙁
I volunteered for 7 years at a local hospice with my dog. She brought a lot of joy to many residents. We met relatives grieving the loss to come as well as residents grieving that their life was about to end. We also volunteered with a walking group for people grieving the loss of a loved one. For anyone going through the grieving process, I highly recommend joining (or starting) a walking group for grieving people. One instantly has a connection with others in the group that requires no explanation or expectation. The act of walking seems to help ease barriers to talking freely about the challenges you face. Hugs come freely.
My son died 11/27/2016. Over time it gets softer, but you don’t heal from that type of grief. You somehow figure out how to live with the constant pain of child loss. It is a long lonely road.
What a thoughtful post…thanks for sharing