How To Overcome The 10 Common Intimacy Problems Couples Have

Sex is an important part of a happy relationship. Unfortunately, most couples experience problems in the bedroom at some point. By communicating and by exploring different solutions, such sexual problems can often be overcome. 

What are some of the most common sexual problems? This article explores 10 very common sexual problems and some of the solutions that could be worth looking into.

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects many men at some point in their lives. In fact, as many as half of all men regularly experience ED over the age of 40.

Performance anxiety, general stress, fatigue and alcohol/drug use can all be common causes of ED in younger men. As men get older, reduced testosterone levels and other health problems may naturally contribute to ED.

Thankfully, erectile dysfunction is easily treatable by taking prescription medication such as viagra. You will need to see a doctor or a sexual health consultant to get a prescription – which is something that puts many men off. Scheduling an appointment with a doctor you trust or getting a partner to go with you could make you feel more comfortable approaching this subject.

You may be able to visit website stores where you can buy over the counter solutions like kamagra. It’s also worth noting that lifestyle changes (such as drinking less alcohol or losing weight) may help. 

PREMATURE EJACULATION

Another issue that affects men is premature ejaculation. Not being able to last long enough to satisfy one’s partner can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy, while your partner is likely to feel unfulfilled and possibly resentful. Fortunately, there are many measures you can take to overcome PE.

Some of the things you can try include the stop-and-squeeze method or using a condom that reduces sensitivity. The partner who has PE may also be able to pleasure their partner through foreplay and toys more before moving onto penetration so that their partner feels more fulfilled. Masturbating an hour before sex is also recommended by some sex professionals, but should be avoided if it causes ED.

While PE tends to be psychological, it can sometimes be the result of a physical problem such as prostate issues. It is worth seeing a doctor if you have suddenly developed PE along with urination issues.

INABILITY TO CLIMAX

Inability to climax may lead to unfulfilling sex. This is a more common problem in women, but can affect men too.

Sex studies have found that as much as 27% women cannot reach orgasm during sex. While some women do not mind this, it can be a major issue for others. Some women cannot climax simply because their partner is not attentive of their needs and is only interested in their own gratification. Other women cannot climax because they do not experiment (such as trying different positions or using toys to help). In both cases, communication is necessary.

Men who cannot climax should similarly communicate with their partners. Performance anxiety or consumption of alcohol/drugs can be contributing factors. 

PAINFUL INTERCOURSE

Sex should not be painful for either partner. If it is, you may want to explore different solutions.

Lack of arousal is an obvious reason for women to experience painful intercourse – make sure that you are both not just jumping straight to penetration and that there is some foreplay. Alternatively, try using lubrication to make sex more comfortable.

If pain is something that has started to occur recently, it’s possible that it could be caused by a health problem that has developed. There are many potential causes that are worth looking into including thrush, chlamydia, prostatis, fibroids or even a latex allergy (when using condoms). Seeing a doctor could be worthwhile for diagnosing any potential health issues and finding treatment. 

DECREASED SEX DRIVE/LACK OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY

Many couples go through phases when they don’t have sex frequently. If one of you is very stressed, tired or unwell, there may be no desire to have sex. Lack of sexual activity is not always a problem if both of you are not in the mood. However, lack of sex for more than six months or more when you are both otherwise healthy could be a problem. Similarly, if one person is eager for sex and the other isn’t, this can cause conflict.

Providing that you both still have feelings for each other, decreased sex drive can usually be treated by a) spending more quality time together, b) taking a break from daily stresses, and c) communicating with each other your desires. Lifestyle changes such as getting more sleep, eating healthily, exercising, reducing alcohol/drugs and quitting smoking can also help.

If you are going through your menopause, low libido could be normal and is something that may be treatable through hormone-regulating medication prescribed by a doctor. If you are depressed, a prescription of antidepressants may similarly restore your sex drive. Alternatively, some people may find that quitting antidepressants helps. 

It’s worth noting that lack of sex drive can also be caused by past trauma related to sexual experiences. In this case, building up trust is important – which may require starting with small acts of intimacy like kissing and cuddling and slowly progressing to sex over several months. This requires patience and understanding.

LACK OF PASSION

Sex shouldn’t feel like a chore. However, this is what can happen if there is no passion put into it. Once it gets to this stage, it’s important that you find a way to liven sex up again.

Experimenting and trying different things in bed could be a simple way to reignite some passion. You shouldn’t feel like you’re going through the motions – by communicating with your partner, you can share different fantasies and ideas. 

Of course, a lack of passion in bed could also be due to lack of passion in your relationship in general. If you have been quite distant, it could be important to spend some quality time together. Trying new things together and going on dates could help to bring you closer and could lead to more passionate sex.

Unresolved traumas surrounding sex could also lead to one partner being less passionate. It’s important that you talk out these concerns if this is the cause. 

LACK OF INITIATION

Are you always the one to initiate sex? Or is your partner always the one doing the initiating? For some couples, this too can become an issue. 

There are many causes behind lack of initiation. Some people feel too anxious to initiate sex as they don’t want to feel like they’re forcing it upon their partner. Talking to each other about how to read each other’s signs could be important so that you both feel more comfortable initiating.

Lack of initiation could also be directly due to lack of sex drive. While you may both still be having sex, it is important that one person isn’t being subjected to reluctant (or worse non-consensual) sex. Either the sex needs to stop, or both partners need to make sure that they are equally into it. 

Undisclosed STIs

UNDISCLOSED STIS

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are more common than many of us realise. When starting a new relationship with someone, it is important that both partners get tested and open up about any STIs they may have. Giving a partner an STI without warning them shows a lack of care and could even be classed as a sexual offence. Of course, if you did not know you had an STI and passed it on, then it is not intentional – however getting tested could have still prevented it.

Sexual health clinics can run tests for various STIs so that you can look into treatment or precautions if necessary. Many STIs will display clear symptoms like itching, unusual discharge or warts/blisters. However, some do not, so it’s worth getting tested just in case if you’ve been with another partner.

Although many STIs can now be treated, some cannot. In this case, you may need to always have sex with a condom and avoid oral sex. 

NEGATIVE CONTRACEPTION SIDE EFFECTS

Most people do not experience negative side effects when trying different forms of contraception. But in some cases, certain types of contraception such as birth control pills or condoms may have negative side effects such as irregular periods, nausea or an allergic reaction. 

If you start to notice health issues, it is important that you consult a doctor. There may be alternative forms of contraception that you can explore that do not present these side effects. These are a better option than going without contraception – especially if you do not want to fall pregnant or one of you is carrying an STI. 

TROUBLE CONCEIVING

Fertility issues are a vast topic that are best covered in their own article. However, they are worth mentioning as they can be one of the most impactful sexual problems. 

Many couples do not conceive straight away and it can take up to a year of regular unprotected sex before pregnancy occurs. Therefore it is important to be patient. Once a year has passed without conceiving, you should see a doctor immediately. You will then be able to undergo tests to check for fertility issues and explore any treatments. If you are over 35, you may be able to do this within six months.

Lifestyle changes are sometimes necessary to help conceive. Doctors will often recommend losing weight, abstaining from alcohol, quitting smoking, maintaining a healthy diet and tracking your ovulation cycle. Reducing stress in your life could also be very important. 

Olivia x 
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