Life

Can People Really Change?

by Olivia

Do you think people can really change? Like really make an effort to change who they are, wipe clean the mistakes they made and become a better person? For todays open discussion Saturday I wanted to speak on this topic and what your thoughts are.

As we are now in a new year, we often hear of how people intend to make changes through New Years resolutions. They come into the new year with this motivation to get healthier, eat better, exercise and remove their bad ways. But do you think that people can really change and become different people?

I think people change yes, sometimes unintentionally. And not necessarily for good either. For me, I think there are two different types of change, maybe even 3. Those people who don’t mean for it to happen – can be for good or for bad. Let’s say they get in with the wrong crowd and before you know it they’re completely different people. And then there’s those who just naturally evolve and change as they grow as people and in age – again, this can be for good or bad.

LEOPARDS NEVER CHANGE THEIR SPOTS

Have you ever heard that saying before? I’ve heard it so many times. And to break it down, I think it basically means that once someone is the way they are, they don’t or can’t ever change from it. And in this instance I think it’s meant in a negative way. I’m not sure if I agree with this necessarily, maybe in certain circumstances but not all.

I think there can be reformation of people and their character if they want it. I also don’t think that you should be judged from mistakes you made a long time ago. The stupid things I did as a teen don’t define who I am. And I would hate to think those things I did as a kid had any sort of affect on me now as an adult. It wouldn’t be fair.

ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT?

Another popular saying – once a cheat always a cheat. I know this one is a little controversial but another important thing for us to discuss. Do you think people who cheat on their significant others are always cheaters or do you think they can change?

Its a hard one for me to comment on as I don’t have any personal experience of this, which is why I’m interested to hear your views. From this happening to people I know, it almost always ends up being that the person cheats again and again. Cheating I think often leads to so many other negative things. Like lying, losing trust and it ends up being so detrimental to peoples mental health at times too.

Do you think people can change from bad to good and really make a change in their lives?
What are your thoughts on this topic?

Olivia x 
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105 thoughts on “Can People Really Change?”

  1. I have to say that people seldom change for real. Circumstances might force them to attempt to adjust for a while, but they’ll always revert to their native nature in the long run.

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    3. In short people can and they very often do. Whatever the circumstances are, the real measure is time. The first step of course, is the crucial one. Our acknowledging the need to or indeed, our accepting another’s observations to do more, that may have inspired the necessity to take stock. Essentially, whatever we then do to make the effort, it should ultimately always be for the benefit to you and then selflessly, our then rewarding everyone else around us. Incremental chance rather than sudden changes should always be taken proportionately and safely, acknowledging one’s efforts indiscriminately.

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  2. I think people can and do change all the time. Though the extent and reasons behind it vary.
    But there’s a difference between changing behavior and instincts.

    The cheating thing is the best example of that. I’ve cheated in the past. I’m choosing never to do it again – but that will always be an active choice for me, because no matter how much I’ll defend that I’ve changed – it IS something I will always be able to do because it’s ‘in me’. I can’t change out the combination of things you need to be able to cheat. Those will be there. But I’m choosing to be different regardless.

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    1. There seems to be this thing where if people cheat they are always labelled with that cheater label. I have zero experience in that field as I have never been cheated on, nor have ever cheated on someone. But from other peoples experiences around me, the cheater has almost always done it again. But as you said, its something you are actively choosing to do. I just find it odd how cheaters can never redeem themselves but alot of other things people do can be forgiven?

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  3. I think one of the major thing that brings about change in people is “experience”. And that saying that goes “once a cheat, always a cheat…” I agree with it. This of course, is from personal experience. I have never seen someone that cheated and eventually stopped! Not yet anyways..

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      1. Some people do change if they put their heart and mind to it. But the past haunts with the label of being called a cheater. And that’s very sad. You’ll never know if people have genuinely changed or not. We just hope and give them the benefit of the doubt.🙃

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  4. My answer is no, people don’t typically change. In order for someone to change, they need to be able to do deep introspection and truly have the intrinsic desire to change. Most people do not do deep introspection or work on personal development, and that’s where the problem exists…

    If people do change, it’s usually due to external circumstances rather than internal reasons, which is why they cannot maintain long-term results. You may hear of the rare few who do change for the better, and that’s usually a result of intrinsic motivation. In conclusion, it’s not impossible to for a person to change for the better, but it’s not mainstream.

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    3. True and good talk, Hilary Tan! “Most people do not do deep introspection or work on personal development, and that’s where the problem exists… “ Introspection is REAL work – confronting you and choosing to do and be better!

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      2. Ah got it, so its more like cheaters can change but you don’t give them a second chance. Which is fair enough! I don’t think I would either

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  6. I believe that people can change once they are happy in their own minds. I’ve seen people cheat and once they’ve become soulmates with another they haven’t cheated. So far anyway!

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  7. I believe that people can change. It requires an active choice to change positively.
    As far as cheaters are concerned, I think it’s the “label” that makes it difficult for them to change. Once they are labelled as a cheater, they start to believe in that label. This negative belief is very hard to break for them. I have had personal experience with one. We broke up 3 years ago. I talked to him a few months back. It was a heart to heart conversation. As he described himself, he hasn’t changed much. He still cheats on his new partner. I believe that he can change but he doesn’t believe the same. He hates himself for being a cheater and holding to that belief so strongly that there seems no hope.
    I think cheating emerges from insecurities about oneself. Letting go of those insecurities can be tough for some people, but I don’t think it’s impossible.

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    2. Agreed. It can also come from other problems like fear to commit brought on from some past traumas. I honestly believe that therapy can help uncover the real reasons and only then can one have an inkling of a chance to change their ways.

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    2. I’d have to disagree here. I would say I am not the person emotionally at least that I was a few years ago. I have adapted to new surroundings and changed various aspects of my life!

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      2. I am 100% a different person. I have changed thought processes, how I handle situations. My mental health is no longer controlling my being. More than just aspects of myself. I have changed things that were deeply routed in my core

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  10. In my opinion, people don’t change. Having said so, there are some exceptions where people do change but that is very rare.
    Once a person does a bad thing and gets a shortcut way to do that thing, he can never think of a long way to do the same thing it do become habitual. Once you are in it, you are in it totally. So i don’t think most people change from bad to good.

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  11. I think it is very possible, but only IF the person is willing and wanting that change and puts the effort into doing what it takes. If not, then it won’t happen.

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  12. I don’t agree with the “once a cheat, always a cheat” saying. Of course with no work put in, the reasons for cheating will always be there, but when people cheat because of an emotional trauma or something along those lines, guidance from a professional can help. I’ve cheated before… a few times before actually, but it was because I had daddy and abandonment issues that led me to stay in the most toxic relationships. Looking back, I just needed attention and until I got rid of my demons, I wasn’t right.

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    2. I think it’s more of a rare circumstance that cheaters change for good. Someone else said that when people cheat they are often labelled as cheaters and therefore they sort of convince themselves that they’re cheaters so keep with that mentality. I know you aren’t like that anymore as you’re married. But I’d say majority of cheaters remain that way

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  13. I think people can change but it has to be their own personal commitment and motivation, not pressured upon them by society or circumstances. Probably the reason why people see cheaters cheat again is that there is an external pressure put upon them to be different. They got caught and now their partners and future partners that know about it are forcing them to change. But that’s not the recipe for change, that’s only the recipe for getting better at not being caught. Without any external pressures, I do believe people can change if they want to.

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    1. I guess modifying behaviour and actually changing who they are from the core are two very different things. Once is a temporary measure and the other is more permanent.

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  15. ♡ I was born, I was a baby, I was a child, I was a teenager, I AM an Adult; what next 🤔 ?

    …♡♡♡…

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      1. ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

        ◇ “What’s next” is to Remember how to Speak for YourSelf, Remember WHO!!! YOU!!! ARE Before Being Conditioned by Shedding YOUR!!! Parental and Other Conditioning then Evolving in a Single 3DLifeTime

        ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

        …◇◇◇…

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      3. ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

        ◇ “What’s Next 🤔 ?” begins with ‘What’s Now 🤔 ?’ as YOU!!! may ‘Have to Lose EveryThing and EveryOne’ YOU!!! ‘Have Now’ to Experience “CHANGES!!!” The “What’s Next 🤔 ?” in The End and The Beginning 🤔 ?…it’s only YOU!!! who is Blame for YOUR!!! CHOICES!!! AND DECISIONS!!!

        ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

        …◇◇◇…

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  16. I’ve seen a few people change, but they had a very important reason. And it took perseverance. Commitment.
    That’s why I give second, and third chances.
    And as for that cheating thing, my first husband cheated on me a couple times that I know of. But, he stayed with the woman he left me for, married her 7 years later, and is with her to this day. Wonders never cease! Ha! ❤️🦋🌀

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    1. I agree – “it took perseverance. Commitment.” Change doesn’t come easy.
      “It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.” – Benjamin Franklin.
      “The best way to stop a bad habit is to never begin it.” – J.C. Penney.

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  17. Another interesting topic, Olivia, and equally interesting comments.
    My comment could turn into another blog; the summary though is that change is possible and lasting for whoever chooses it. The motivation for lasting change comes from within. The external pressures however makes it difficult to sustain. Internal (Intrinsic) vs. External (Extrinsic). We need to know the root cause of the action.
    One of my favorite things is to use the analogy of a tree. If you plant a tree and the tree grows but becomes a “nuisance,” such that it encroaches the neighbors’ fences … what do you do? You cut it, right? (p.s. better to know the law of your city and seek professional help in doing this). But, if you choose to cut the branches that are overextending to the neighbors, they will regrow sooner or later. The solution, in my opinion, and in order to avoid constant bickering that might lead to a potential lawsuit, is to uproot or cut the tree at its trunk and deaden the stump. This analogy applies to both change and cheating, and more.
    Bottomline: Permanent change is possible willingly or forcibly. It’s a choice to make!

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  18. Yes people can change. It starts by changing their thoughts and belief systems. The reason it is hard is because the brain builds a thought every time we think it. So we have to come up with a new thought and repeat it until it becomes dominant.
    Experience helps shape our thoughts and beliefs. People change all the time, even from genetic traits or illness, like addiction. Thoughts are like muscles, you have to build them. We all have free will. We need to use it. Finding like minded others can help. The challenge is we have to wake up to the fact that we create our reality by our thoughts and choices. When we constantly view the same types of information it limits our ability to discover different choices. Think of all the people who only follow their own types of political ideation on social media and getting their news. They have a limited perspective that is strengthened by their viewing habits. They only think one way. But perhaps they travel to other countries and get a new perspective. They discover a new thought/ way of perceiving a political view from an outside perspective. It can open them up to a new way of thinking.
    A person who is homophobic can have a gay child and their love for their child changes their beliefs.
    Change happens all the time. Check out a book on cognitive psychology to learn more. Happy New Year!

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    2. Simply well-stated, Ellen Carey! “it is hard is because the brain builds a thought every time we think it. So we have to come up with a new thought and repeat it until it becomes dominant.” 🤔
      Also, environment, culture, religion, etc., including “Experience helps shape our thoughts and beliefs.”

      Thanks for the cognitive psychology perspectives.

      Happy New Year 2021!

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  23. I got to say, I am loving this discussion topic! I believe that people can change, for good or bad as you said. Imagine someone who was in depression and worked their way out of it. That’s an incredible positive change (I’ve read about this and find it impressive). Now, imagine someone a good person getting influenced (innocently) by a bad surrounding. They have changed in a negative way but it’s not their fault. I guess it depends on how we look at this. But, I think that people can really change (whether it is physically or mentally).

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  24. I have a bit of a protracted answer for you; I’m leaving part of it here and the rest can be viewed in my blog which I’ve included the link to it! Sorry for such a long comment.
    Can people really change you may ask? I pose another question to answer that!
    Can people really try and do they try, genuinely try, to alter their ways or thinking comprehensively and permanently? If they won’t actually try then talking to them about change is like speaking to a blank wall or as if they are giving lip service to be in the groove with the status-quo and say my New Year’s resolution is to do such and such, then why bother saying anything if it’s not a true commitment, and therein lies a massive problem in today’s modern society of instant gratification and too much to be had, which easily transports us to this sad destination, lack of commitment, by many people in many walks of life; in general I think fewer people make lasting commitments that mean anything in today’s fast past dynamic flowing digital age where things are not only here today and gone tomorrow but with the blink of an eye a person can be on to bigger and better things or so they may think, when in actuality are deluded and living in a trance induced by multiple delusions coming at all of us from all directions at once in the cyber-istic high-tech world we are all now caught up in where MSM plays with our minds and manipulates to keep the truth from us and to cause us to believe falsehood as truth! Master plans of deception abound and we are like the fish of the sea moving in massive schools with the tide, currents, food supply and other stimuli like predator avoidance. They tend to be doing what they must habitually to carry on and live or survive just for the sake of surviving; an instinctual thing. People of course are much more complex than fish but my thought is that they aren’t much different when it comes down to the prime ingredients or reason to survive and carry on. People are creatures of habit and tend to follow patterns just like the fish in the sea and stay or go where the action is where they get what they need generally making a buck or pound; to live another day! People being more complex make many conscious decisions to do one thing or another every moment of every day, much of it out of necessity in order to survive and carry on doing what it is they do as individuals and as a member of a society or school of people in a sense. I think really changing has to come from a very needed necessity to change or it will fall by the wayside and be just another empty promise or dream and many human habits especially in the substance abuse realm are imprinted in behavior patterns and indeed brain synapses many times being almost impossible to change like say a heroin addict who wants to go cold turkey and kick the habit, stands about a snowball’s chance in hell of making it happen; unless some very powerful counter force or measure is put into play.
    Sir Issace Newton’s theories of motion are brilliant and science at its best which though they are talking about heavenly bodies in space and their perpetual motions these concepts I find can be applied to human beings on various levels! “Newton developed his laws of motion in 1666, when he was only 23 years old. In 1687, he presented the laws in his seminal work “Principia Mathematica Philosophiae Naturalis,” in which he explained how outside forces affect the movement of objects.”

    Change Resolutions; Like Fish in the Sea

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      1. In another way yes it is but we still have those habits in us , they say habits die hard and that applies to humans you can’t really change entirely but bits can make you a better person if you understand me🙂

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  26. I think people can change as long as they have a emotional reason to make change. logic is not enough to cause true change. I have been trying to make changes and develop new habits and I have found that it is A LOT of work. It is hard but it’s possible as long as you believe it is 🙂

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  28. I’m definitely going to give it a Yes. There’s so many variables that affect each person’s life in order for him or her to be able to make a permanent change from either good to bad or from bad to good. But it’s entirely possible. Very hard most times but not impossible. Although at the end of the day, nobody will truly know if a person has changed except only that person when he or she is alone behind closed doors.

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  30. I personally think that people can change but it doesn’t happen overnight. There are a lot of factors that go into it like social surroundings, core values, mental health, cultural factors, will power, etc. But I do often thing that when people expect themselves to change they don’t really do because their expectations are fantasized and without actions. My opinion anyways (^^).

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  31. ON BAD MOODS

    ♤ We ALL Feel Down SomeTimes; but that is NO EXCUSE!!! to take Our Misery Out on Other People especially Loved Ones…it’s Obvious that Managing Mood is NOT EASY!!! yet it is DoAble; frankly if Mood Management is NOT!!! YOUR!!! Thing Stay Away from Other People instead of Raging and Complaining then Crying while Sinking in to Depression and Refusing to Seek Professional Assistance due to ALL the Associated STIGMA!!!

    nisi mortuus nec neque nolite vicit 🤭🤫🤐

    …♤♤♤…

    ON PSYCHOLOGY

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    ◇ PAM (Perception Attitude MindSet)
    ◇ RAW (Radically Altered WorldView/Radically Altering WorldView)
    ◇ PAT (Patience Acceptance Tolerance)

    nisi mortuus nec neque nolite vicit 🤭🤫🤐

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    …◇◇◇…

    ON SUCCESSFULLY MANAGING MOOD

    ♡ 1. Admit, Acknowledge and Address YOUR!!! MMHI (Multiple Mental Health Issues) from Conditioned UpBringing and Forgive without Forgetting Lessons Learned
    ♡ 2. Ask for Help from Those YOU!!! Trust and Accept Assistance from Them
    ♡ 3. Put in The Internal Work by Turning InSide and Regularly Doing Internal Reviews

    nisi mortuus nec neque nolite vicit 🤭🤫🤐

    …♡♡♡…

    ON SUCCESS CLASS 101

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    ♡ Only YOU!!! Decide what Successful Means to YOU!!!
    ♤ How YOU!!! Succeed is Entirely Up to YOU!!!
    ♧ Clubbing – If Others Belittle YOUR!!! Successes YOU!!! ARE PERFECTLY ENTITLED!!! and Welcome to Tell THEM!!! to VERY KINDLY FUCK OFF!!! – Clubbing

    nisi mortuus nec neque nolite vicit 🤭🤫🤐

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    …◇◇◇…

    ON HAIKU

    ♡ Hurting and Healing

    Pain is No Big Deal
    Let Pain Rest
    Let Pain Heal

    nisi mortuus nec neque nolite vicit 🤭🤫🤐

    …♡♡♡…◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    ◇ “What’s next” is to Remember how to Speak for YourSelf, Remember WHO!!! YOU!!! ARE Before Being Conditioned by Shedding YOUR!!! Parental and Other Conditioning then Evolving in a Single 3DLifeTime

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    …◇◇◇…◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    ◇ “What’s Next 🤔 ?” begins with ‘What’s Now 🤔 ?’ as YOU!!! may ‘Have to Lose EveryThing and EveryOne’ YOU!!! ‘Have Now’ to Experience “CHANGES!!!” The “What’s Next 🤔 ?” in The End and The Beginning 🤔 ?…it’s only YOU!!! who is Blame for YOUR!!! CHOICES!!! AND DECISIONS!!!

    ◇ – Diamond Hard – ◇

    …◇◇◇…

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  33. I think that change, any kind of change, requires a conscious decision. We don’t immediately silence the voices, good or bad, in our heads and when dealing with influence, we make the choice to follow that influence. Even as we grow up, we find things we decide to like and that’s what shapes us. We decide to change and whether we ask for help and surround ourselves with people who can help us change.

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  34. People change, more often than not for the worse. People rarely change for the better but yes, people change for bettet

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  41. If they have the will to change themselves and most importantly realisation that whatever they are doing is wrong and should work on their mistakes… And evolution is the part of nature!! It was great reading this piece!😀

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  43. I think it depend upon the situation too and environment that particular person gets to be change or to be worsted . Love care and needs are the basic things which makes human being to bad or a good ….

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