I recently started dating myself, and honestly she’s the best person I have ever met. Self-dating is something that I have started doing fairly recently. Probably in the last couple of months. I suffer with anxiety, and I struggled for a long time being able to go out by myself. It can make you insecure. Wondering if people are looking at you, or making fun of the fact you’re alone somewhere. But actually, it was quite the opposite experience. I told myself that I never notice or pay attention to those out alone. So why would I be any different?
I feel like we all have this idea in our minds that everybody is looking at us. When in reality, we are not the centre of everybody else’s lives. Just our own. When I came to that realisation it made me feel so much more confident about dating myself and going out on my own. Who cares if people look? Who cares if people see you sitting alone eating. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, WHO CARES. Adapting this attitude helped me overcome so many of those fears I had.
As I have lost weight and become more confident in myself, it’s meant I have wanted to push myself in other areas of life. And going out by myself was one of the things I really wanted to do. For the last few years I have started to go out more by myself, but I wanted to take it further. I went out to eat by myself the other day. I feel like the idea of this sounds more frightening than actually doing it. It wasn’t bad at all, and I really enjoyed it. I want to share some of the things I have been learning throughout this process.
So that if you are wanting to try this out too, I can give ten reasons why you should do it!
1. NOBODY CARES THAT YOU’RE BY YOURSELF
When I first started dating myself, I really wondered whether people would look at me and feel bad that I was alone. I would hate for others to judge me and have something to say about the fact a young woman was alone. When in reality, nobody cared that I was alone. When I went out to eat by myself, 70% of the people in there were alone too. It made me feel so much better. Knowing other people were alone too. Kind of felt like I was less alone.
Nobody cares that you’re alone. Do you ever see if others are with someone else or if they’re by their-self? No. So don’t assume people are thinking about that with you!
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2. ALONE TIME IS A GOOD TIME
I have really learnt during this process that alone time is a good time. I am an ambivert, which means I am in-between being an introvert and extrovert. Sometimes I love being around people and other times I really enjoy being alone. Depends on my mood at the time. One of my favourite things to do is go shopping alone and listen to music. It’s so fun listening to my favourite songs by myself and looking at clothes. Its legit one of my hobbies.
3. YOU DON’T NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE TO DO THINGS
I remember years before I started dating myself, I would always rely on others to be able to do things. If they cancelled plans with me, it would be the end of the world because I couldn’t possibly go out by myself. Oh how wrong was I?! Being confident to do things alone means that whether your friends are busy or not, you will be okay. You don’t have to rely on others to have a good time. Do you realise the power that holds?
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4. I DISCOVERED MYSELF
Throughout this process of daring myself, I have come to discover who I am and what I enjoy doing in life. And honestly it will help so much in my actual dating life too. I realise I am much more confident and capable at things that I thought. I should give myself more credit!
Part of my self discovery journey is seeing who I am, and seeing what kind of things I can handle. I have gone from being anxious about being out alone, to loving it and actually maybe slightly preferring it than being with others. How amazing is that?!
5. MY CONFIDENCE SKY ROCKETED
Theres just something about going out on your own and rocking it, that brings a new found confidence in yourself. You feel like you can take on the world. Nothing can stop you. It sounds silly to others but thats really how it feels. My confidence since I started dating myself is insane. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes its hard and I would prefer to have people with me. But for the most part it brings such a great sense of confidence of yourself.
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6. YOU WON’T EVER LET YOURSELF DOWN
The beauty of dating yourself is that if you need to cancel your plans, you’re never going to be letting yourself down. Or if you change your mind and want to something else instead of your original plan, you won’t be letting yourself down. There are zero expectations or nerves. You just go and do the thing you love and then go home. Its as easy as that!
7. I LEARNT HOW TO PUSH MYSELF OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE
Your comfort zone is such a comfortable place to me. There’s a reason its called the comfort zone! When I first started dating myself, it wasn’t from zero to 100 straight away. I did small steps and then finally when I was comfortable I went onto the harder things. Nobody ever grows from being in the comfort zone. Which is why I am always wanting to encourage myself to do even harder things.
I have no idea what’s next on my list of things to do. Maybe I’ll go to the cinema alone or take myself out for a picnic! Who knows. The options are limitless!
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8. MY SELF-CONFIDENCE IMPROVED
When you go into dating yourself, there is a 100% chance your self-confidence will improve. How could it not when you’re doing something so brave and exciting alone?! I feel so much more sure of myself. And I never felt that way before. Dating myself definitely contributed to feeling that way.
Self-confidence is something that has to be built, and it covers alot of different areas too so it can be quite hard to find it. But once you embrace being alone, you’ll find it quickly! You only have yourself to rely on!
9. DISCONNECTING FROM OTHERS FEELS GOOD
Something I didn’t expect to find was that I loved disconnecting with others whilst I was out on my own. Its like you’re in your own little world with nobody bothering you. It honestly feels so good. I know it sounds like I hate being with people in this post, I really don’t. I love spending time with my friends and loved ones but I really have come to learn to appreciate being on my own and the freedom it brings.
When I am out alone I tend to stay off my phone and really be present in the moment. I have been learning to be more present in life recently too.
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10. DATING MYSELF IS THE BEST THING I EVER DID
I couldn’t not include this point in this post. Dating myself is honestly the best thing I ever started to do. I have explained why with all the other 9 points. But if you try anything for the rest of this year, try dating yourself. Whether you’re single, married or in a relationship. There should always be time for self-love and self-discovery, no matter your relationship status.
You will learn so much about yourself, so much that you never knew before. It might be hard at first, but all good things are.