Guest Posts, Relationships

Learning About Toxic Relationships

by Olivia

[Guest Post]

Hi everyone. I’m Lima, a Relationship and Lifestyle Blogger and I happen to love tasting the waters, so I have made a lot of mistakes as a Christian. I am not exactly proud of everything I have been through that’s why I teach people how to avoid them. You can read all about it here.

I remember sitting in my room and looking through the wedding invites I have for the remainder of this year, some I have to attend and others I can just watch from home. I was delighted at first about the union until I thought about the number of people that might end up rushing into relationships just because they have one or two friends that are about to say I do or are a happy couple. This still remains the major reason people try to tolerate a toxic relationship, and try to manage the hits.

WHAT IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

A toxic relationship is one that takes from you without adding any value to you, a relationship that’s draining and exhausting to your emotional, mental, social, physical, and spiritual life. It doesn’t have to be physical to be toxic, words hit harder than a fist. 

The thing is, if you are coming from a family where your dad hits your mum, your parents exchange verbal words and you’re used to one person making all the sacrifices to keep the relationship going then there is every chance that’s what you are going to be looking out for, from people you meet. 

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

Well, I’d like to say that there is no specific cause of a toxic relationship, we all have that inner child that’s been through much, and some of us didn’t heal that child, some of us didn’t forgive the experience we’ve had to go through. So, we harbored it all, and now they are grown thorns and they keep piercing through the people we love. There is always a story behind every toxic mask.

CAN YOU CHANGE A TOXIC PERSON?

Some can be helped; a little love and support can go along way, but you have to try doing that without losing yourself! You are not a therapist neither are you the Holy Spirit, fixing some people will cost you your sanity. Learn to know where to stop and let them grow, learn to know when you are no longer needed! 

Anyone can be toxic, but it takes mature people to know that they need help and to go for it.

WHAT ARE THE RED FLAGS (THE SIGNS) OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

1. Jealousy: while it seems normal for one to be jealous, it gets overly annoying and stressful when it gets out of hand. We all want a jealous lover, but In a good and understanding way. 

2. Lack of support: what bothers you no longer concerns them, they no longer care what you think or how you feel about a situation. They no longer try to make things work and you start to feel all the weight on you. 

3. Resentment: you feel the anger, the grudge, and you seem to fight over everything. 

4. Disrespect: Toxic people are disrespectful, they say what they want when they want to, they don’t want to wait for the right time, they say it anyways. 

5. Manipulating apologies: they act sorry when you get tired and bored, they hold you back when you try to walk away, they give a thousand excuses for their behavior instead of changing. 

6. Verbal and physical abuse: why is this the last? Because some of us have the grace to tolerate every stage until it gets verbal or physical. Until the words start to cut through or the pain starts to hit badly. Toxic people are angry people, and when they lose self-control it gets messy. Don’t wait until it gets this bad. 

They make you feel bad all the time, they drain your energy, they make you bored, you are no longer comfortable around them, you are scared of saying no to them, but you still don’t want to stay away cause you want to be that friend that stays through the thick and thin. 

Every toxic person I know is aware of it, some of them know they need to be fixed but they are always trying to show you where you are wrong, they don’t try to do anything about it, they wait for the next person they can prey on!

CAN IT BE FIXED?

Yes, some toxic relationships can be fixed. With efforts from both parties, you can sweeten a sour relationship but the taste might not change completely. 

1. Talk about it: communication still remains the master key in any relationship, talk about it, try to express yourself, let them know what you’ve observed, let them know where it’s hurting. 

2. Take responsibility: you can point out the wrongs of a person but you can’t force them to accept it. They have to be willing to take responsibility and fix things. It takes both partners to fix a relationship. 

3. Understanding: if you want to stay in a toxic relationship and make it work, you have to learn to stop complaining and start understanding. You have to learn to overlook something’s. But remember, love is blind but marriage will open your eyes!!! 

4. Pray for them: I know one way that works better, when you can’t handle or fix people, talk to God about them and pray for them. He is the best mechanic I know. 

Everything you try to fix can be fixed, but the key word is, ”can”! I remember one time I had a broken hairdryer, well, I fixed it but it didn’t work. 

My mum’s favorite quote is “a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage”. Before you try to fix a thing, ask yourself if it’s worth it! Sometimes it better to get a good one than keep fixing the bad one, it might get broken when you need it. Ever had a broken car on a bad day? 

Don’t break your back for people who can’t give you a pat. Let it go! 

You might successfully tolerate a toxic relationship, but marriage is forever, and forever is too long a time to tolerate an attitude. Toxic people can make you toxic! 

And when you are tempted to marry someone really toxic, think about your children, you can tolerate it, but can they? Don’t give your children a future they don’t deserve, toxic marriages can and will produce timid and toxic children!

Lima
https://www.limasblog.com

47 thoughts on “Learning About Toxic Relationships”

    1. I think what should be done varies in every single person. We are all individuals and different in many ways, its not a one size fits all approach. Therefore it would be situational!
      I agree though, the inner issues should be dealt with, but how.. again, it would be down to individual circumstance. 🙂

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  4. This is a nice write up, there comes a time in our lives that we really need to toxify our selves both for health purposes and relationships. We feel too comfortable with our daily routines and fail to figure out that there is something wrong with our lives that demands change. I’ll be referring to this master piece.

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    1. So glad you enjoyed this post. You are so right, its just finally coming to that realisation isn’t it! it can take a while for us to realise we deserve and need better.

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  5. This is penned beautifully with all the good and bad. It is very important for all of us to recognise toxic relationship/people and to stay away from it. It can be hard but it will be worth it when you see life is so much sweeter without the negative energy.

    You are so right about not rushing into marriage. You can’t tolerate “toxic” for the rest of your life. That way you are putting yourself in harms way both emotionally and physically.

    Great topic💕💕 xx

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  6. Praying for someone and genuinely believing in them is one of the purest thing one can do. But I definitely agree, if you’ve done everything you can and the relationship is still toxic, then don’t settle for less. It could also be a redirection for the both of you! Learn to let go.

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    1. Praying and wishing the best for someone who isn’t nice to you is a really big thing. It takes a lot of courage and a certain type of character. You’re right, its a pure act!

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    2. Toxic relationships are usually suffocating and do no good for any of the parties involved. It just squeezes out the life from all of us and leaves us in a lot of pain.

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  17. Divorces and beak-ups are probably the best way to come out of such toxicity. After iterative attempts to fix a problem, the only option we usually have is to say a respectful goodbye. The suffocating baggage that a toxic relationship comes with does no good to anyone. Live and let live. #MyWordsKraft

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  23. These are all very goo points…But sometimes we should take one step back and ask ourselves why we enter these types of relationships, didn’t we invest enough to know the person before we were already so in love or so deep down in depression. I think the problem starts when we see relationships just as a romantic event where we don’t have control over.
    Thank you for the post

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    1. I think every situation is different. Sometimes we get into relationships and the other person doesn’t start to show this kind of behaviour until months or years in. I don’t think it’s healthy for us to blame ourselves. Sometimes the warning signs aren’t there or the person is very good at manipulating us!

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