Anxiety is something I have lived with for years. Although it’s never been diagnosed by a doctor – and I for one don’t think its needs to, its still something that I struggle with almost daily. It’s not as bad as it once has been. The panic attacks are few and far between but I do still find myself suffering from intrusive thoughts and worry. I know that its something I will probably live with my whole life, and I have learnt to accept that. But knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
For todays post I wanted to make it light hearted. I know mental illnesses are a serious subjects, but I think making any negative into a positive is a good thing. I often see people on YouTube uploading their ‘day in the life’ videos, and I thought why not share a day in the life of my anxiety. Sharing the weird and wonderful thoughts and worries that go on inside my mind. In hopes it helps at least one other person who lives with this condition can relate to the very random things my brain makes me do.
As a bit of a back story, my anxiety tends to stem from medical anxiety. Which is the fear of getting ill or getting an incurable disease, and it’s also linked to a fear of being sick (emetophobia). Thankfully my fear of sick isn’t extreme and I have pretty much control over it. I also have just general anxiety where I worry about certain things going on in my life such as my work or relationships. So know you know this, some of the thoughts I share will make more sense!
Even before the morning has started my anxiety wakes me up from my short slumber and tells me I have to check (again) if I set my alarm. Because those other 10 times I checked just was not sufficient. After checking once again, I finally rest and sleep. Only to wake up 5 minutes before my alarm. I would go back to sleep because I’m exhausted, but the noise of my alarm gives me anxiety – why don’t I just change it? The thought of sleeping longer and having to hear my alarm is just too much to bear so I get up.
I spend about 30-40 minutes getting ready for the day. Depending on what my mood is will depend on how much effort goes into my appearance. If it’s a good day, I’ll take time to do my hair and makeup. If its not, then its a quick brush of the hair and thats it. Work starts once the morning routine is complete and I log into my work emails and start to get to it. I check my diary and my anxiety says hello again at the thought of needing to talk on the phone to people. Although I am perfectly okay and comfortable with doing this, previous experiences from other work places make this hard for me sometimes.
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After a morning of calls, emails and working on projects its lunch time. My anxiety really doesn’t enjoy trying new food in the worry that my stomach wont enjoy it, so I tend to stick to the same stuff. Usually humous or cream cheese with crackers, low calorie crisps, a cereal bar and an apple. Sometimes if I’m feeling brave I’ll cook something for lunch, but thats far and few between. Once I’ve eaten lunch I head out for a walk on my own, just to gather my thoughts. Its not rare for me to be worried about walking outside by myself. I am constantly looking over my shoulder to check if people are following me or to make sure there are no weird characters around.
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The afternoon is much the same as the morning when it comes to my anxiety. I face alot of the same worries and concerns. I get distracted easily, especially working at home 5 days a week. Taking time to myself in the afternoon is really helpful. It helps me re-focus and lets the worries wash away. A common thought in the afternoon is worrying about the food I had for lunch, and whether it will make me sick or ill. And this is a very common thing, almost everyday these thoughts fill my mind. I’m used to them by now!
My anxiety is alot higher in the morning than the afternoon. So as the day closes then so does alot of my general worries of life. And all of this is generally different everyday, if there is something going on then my thoughts and feelings might be alot different than the day before. Sometimes it’s a guessing game as to whether I will be okay one day to the next.
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Do you suffer with anxiety? What does a day in your life with anxiety look like?
I really love sharing things about anxiety because I know alot of others who read my blog suffer with it too. But this post is made so that you know you’re not alone. Alot of other people go through the same as you. And thats comforting to know.