Mental Health

A Day in The Life of My Anxiety

by Olivia

Anxiety is something I have lived with for years. Although it’s never been diagnosed by a doctor – and I for one don’t think its needs to, its still something that I struggle with almost daily. It’s not as bad as it once has been. The panic attacks are few and far between but I do still find myself suffering from intrusive thoughts and worry. I know that its something I will probably live with my whole life, and I have learnt to accept that. But knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

For todays post I wanted to make it light hearted. I know mental illnesses are a serious subjects, but I think making any negative into a positive is a good thing. I often see people on YouTube uploading their ‘day in the life’ videos, and I thought why not share a day in the life of my anxiety. Sharing the weird and wonderful thoughts and worries that go on inside my mind. In hopes it helps at least one other person who lives with this condition can relate to the very random things my brain makes me do.

As a bit of a back story, my anxiety tends to stem from medical anxiety. Which is the fear of getting ill or getting an incurable disease, and it’s also linked to a fear of being sick (emetophobia). Thankfully my fear of sick isn’t extreme and I have pretty much control over it. I also have just general anxiety where I worry about certain things going on in my life such as my work or relationships. So know you know this, some of the thoughts I share will make more sense!

THE MORNING

Even before the morning has started my anxiety wakes me up from my short slumber and tells me I have to check (again) if I set my alarm. Because those other 10 times I checked just was not sufficient. After checking once again, I finally rest and sleep. Only to wake up 5 minutes before my alarm. I would go back to sleep because I’m exhausted, but the noise of my alarm gives me anxiety – why don’t I just change it? The thought of sleeping longer and having to hear my alarm is just too much to bear so I get up.

I spend about 30-40 minutes getting ready for the day. Depending on what my mood is will depend on how much effort goes into my appearance. If it’s a good day, I’ll take time to do my hair and makeup. If its not, then its a quick brush of the hair and thats it. Work starts once the morning routine is complete and I log into my work emails and start to get to it. I check my diary and my anxiety says hello again at the thought of needing to talk on the phone to people. Although I am perfectly okay and comfortable with doing this, previous experiences from other work places make this hard for me sometimes.

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LUNCH TIME

After a morning of calls, emails and working on projects its lunch time. My anxiety really doesn’t enjoy trying new food in the worry that my stomach wont enjoy it, so I tend to stick to the same stuff. Usually humous or cream cheese with crackers, low calorie crisps, a cereal bar and an apple. Sometimes if I’m feeling brave I’ll cook something for lunch, but thats far and few between. Once I’ve eaten lunch I head out for a walk on my own, just to gather my thoughts. Its not rare for me to be worried about walking outside by myself. I am constantly looking over my shoulder to check if people are following me or to make sure there are no weird characters around.

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THE AFTERNOON/EVENING

The afternoon is much the same as the morning when it comes to my anxiety. I face alot of the same worries and concerns. I get distracted easily, especially working at home 5 days a week. Taking time to myself in the afternoon is really helpful. It helps me re-focus and lets the worries wash away. A common thought in the afternoon is worrying about the food I had for lunch, and whether it will make me sick or ill. And this is a very common thing, almost everyday these thoughts fill my mind. I’m used to them by now!

My anxiety is alot higher in the morning than the afternoon. So as the day closes then so does alot of my general worries of life. And all of this is generally different everyday, if there is something going on then my thoughts and feelings might be alot different than the day before. Sometimes it’s a guessing game as to whether I will be okay one day to the next.

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Do you suffer with anxiety? What does a day in your life with anxiety look like?

I really love sharing things about anxiety because I know alot of others who read my blog suffer with it too. But this post is made so that you know you’re not alone. Alot of other people go through the same as you. And thats comforting to know.

Olivia x
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113 thoughts on “A Day in The Life of My Anxiety”

  1. Reading this now because my anxiety woke me up at 3:30am and then refused to let me go back to sleep. Anxiety is way under discussed. Although it seems to be more normalized now, 10 years ago it was completely disregarded. I prefer people talking about it now. It makes me feel less alien.

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    1. Thats exactly why I wrote this post. Because I want people know their weird and wonderful thought processes are not just them that go through it. we all have our own ways of dealing with things. I hope you’re able to go back to sleep and get some rest!

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  2. 💜 I AM Channelling ever increasing amounts of energy so I Have no “anxiety” about myself; what I AM Anxious about is accidentally Being involved in another persons upset due to the huge amounts of energy that I AM still Getting Used To…so I Self Isolate to protect others; until and when I Feel Totally Comfortable that I AM Managing the Energy Flow Effectively

    …💛💚💙…

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  4. Well, anxiety is foreign to me since I love Jesus Christ Who has said that we take all our burdens to Him and He Will Give us rest. I trust in Jesus and I urge you to do the same.

    In 2005 on the 9th of December, I was involved in a bad road accident where 5 lives were lost on impact and two more people as we were being rushed to the hospital. Since then my attitude in life has changed. I worry less about things and I leave everything to Jesus. I realized I am not my own, I belong to Jesus, I am His property. I got a broken fimur bone and a severe head injury on my right side of the head which have me a stroke on the left side, you know there is a point you may reach in this life that you just chill, just remain calm. You leave things to God. His will to be done in your life. And since He loves us. Take your anxiety to Him and He Will Give You Victory over it and a lasting peace and joy. Best of wishes. God loves you

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    1. I am also a Christian, but anxiety is still very present in my life. Not because I cannot overcome it but because it is a mental illness. Praying to Jesus and asking him to take it away is like praying to Jesus to heal a broken leg. The doctors who cared for you helped to heal you. Jesus put them in your life to heal your body. There are other factors that need to be taken into account.

      I trust Jesus with my whole heart, but he has chosen me to have anxiety for a purpose. A reason. Praying it away will not make it better. Mental illnesses are a real issue in alot of Christian lives.

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      1. Having been very involved in the Christian community at one point, I know how hard it is to struggle with any mental issues. It is always because you don’t trust enough, pray enough, or obey enough. But you’re right; it is not different from any other physical challenge or sickness. It’s common be a victim of Christian shaming. One can love Jesus and still have a mental illness. Thank you for your response!

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      2. I have too and it makes me so sad that its not seen as a real thing in the Christian community. Its often brushed off when its not that easy to just pray it away! Thanks for sharing that ☺️

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      3. Pardon me if I sounded uncaring,or took anxiety lightly. I will be praying for you. I haven’t experienced it before but I think that it must be really uncomfortable going through one. Forgive my lack of knowledge about it. Read Isa.26:3, spend more time reading the word of God and Jesus will give you the peace He has promised in His Word. Get the Lesson book of this quarter and following quarters. This will give you a challenge, a thirst for more of God and things will improve for the better in your life. I wish you the best

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      4. Thank you so much Fredrick. I’ll check out that verse. I read my bible everyday and pray about my anxiety but its something God has tasked me with for the time being. I didn’t think you were being uncaring, I think alot of people don’t know if they don’t experience it themselves. I wish it was something I could just pray away. I am thankful that my anxiety isn’t as bad as it once was, but I am for sure not cured.

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      5. You will be cured in Jesus Mighty Name, by His stripes, you are healed. Believe this and claim the promise in His Word in the book of Isa.53:5. May you have a blessed day

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  5. Our brains are a highly sophisticated piece of kit, which requires stimulus. This can be accomplished in a multitude of ways, because our thoughts are merely a key to a particular draw and upon opening it, our brain is then galvanised into action as it responds to our inquisitive meddling when revealing similar data to us. These draws contain only files and do not provide the tools to fix what has been revealed to us because they are logged in as an experience only. Anxiety too has it’s very own specialised compartments because we are capable of worrying on just about everything under the sun and therefore, when we internalise that detail pertinent to us specifically, whether it’s about our looks or how we are meant to perform socially, we search for solutions that might only stand in our way because of some bench mark or president set, making it all the more harder to feel satisfied with the decisions we may then make.

    To know what it is that we become anxious about and to distance ourselves from it’s influence over us, it’s important to recognise that this in itself, is actually our brain taking care of us. Our awareness is everything, it’s knowledge building and this too is compartmentalised because solutions are also retained for future reference and these files come under many headings encountered as our experiences. We all hold the key’s, it’s merely determining which key fit’s a particular lock and eureka.

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    1. I usually try to rationalise anxious thoughts. I read a few therapist books in the past that really helped change my perspective on it. It really Is just a thought and its not a real thing you can hold in your hands. Its your brain making you do it. And once you acknowledge it, it helps reduce it. Or so I have found anyway.

      As always, thanks for sharing your wonderful thoughts Martin

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  6. Oh wow, I never knew you were an anxious person even though I read your blog regularly. I myself suffer from bouts of it, especially when dealing with the unknown, or anything to do with confrontation. It really was a great idea to share this so that others with anxiety can also relate!

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  8. I can relate to the walking alone part, I get so anxious that I start to slouch, awkwardly moving my neck here and there, trying to figure out wtf should I do with my hands, and avoid eye contact with people walking and many more though carrying a backpack (even if it’s empty) makes me feel a little comfortable and safe…. I know it’s weird but it is what it is😅😅😅

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      1. You are very welcomed, think of Jesus whenever those anxiety attacks come to you. Rebuke it in the Mighty Name of Jesus e and ask Jesus to remove that burden of your shoulder

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  13. I never considered myself to have anxiety, but the more I read yours and other blogs about it, I believe I just may have it. I definitely worry A LOT, but I constantly try to keep it under control.

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  14. Hi Olivia, thanks for sharing this. A lot of what you have to deal with (well, about 50%) sounds very familiar to me. I experience social anxiety, dislike speaking on the phone and have a tendency to check things rather more often than I need to. I’m pathologically punctual for any meeting or event. I experience difficulty concentrating on tasks and am often uncomfortably aware of my heartbeat. (No physical medical issues that my doc can discover.)

    I wonder, at least for myself, whether part of the problem is overstimulation. As someone who works and communicates socially online every day, I find that there is a constant stream of new things demanding my attention, things I feel I should read or look at, things I’d like to learn but don’t have the time.

    I’m old enough (56) to remember when this wasn’t the case, before the internet became so immersive.

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    1. Thank you, for sharing that with all of us. I think the ever increasing pressure that life, work, friends, family and everything else puts on us really has a large impact on us. Because the same as you, I remember a time where I didn’t worry about what I do now and the internet and being accessible 24/7 wasn’t a factor at that time.

      Its quite scary when you think about it. I think the worst is when your anxiety laches onto something. And thats what mine does, it goes on rotation. And similarly to yours I have and issue where my anxiety will focus on something and then I cant think of anything else. It can be really debilitating!

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  15. Anxiety is perplexing, it hides away in our chemistry, only to reappear as if Houdini. Sometimes I can outrun it literally, going for a long hike, or run. Sometimes a soak in the tub. But I can never hide from it. All my best, C

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  16. I too have anxiety days. I wake up before alarm i just that my brain is more alert before alarm goes on.
    I get the same feeling as you while walking. I get anxiety if anyone is there behind my back.
    Anxiety makes worry about whts gonna happen next and then next.
    Till the time that task gets complete.

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  17. I’m no mental health expert but based on reflection over a series of events in my life and conversations with other people, I think we all suffer from some levels of anxiety but how one deals with it might be different. For me i feel anxious about talking to certain people at times based on their nature and how they might receive my words.

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  18. This is so well written🤗

    My sister also suffers from medical anxiety and she’s always on high alert.

    For me the evenings are where my anxiety is at the highest, I would get heart palpitations/shivering and the constant fear of something terrible will happen. I feel bad for saying this but does it happen when someone else describes their feelings of the same —you don’t feel so alone. Then again, you don’t want people to feel the same as you do because you know how painful it is.

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    1. Its like a catch 22 isn’t it? You don’t want to feel alone, but you don’t want to feel relieved that someone else has had a similar experience to you. I 100% get it. But one thing for sure is that you are not alone through it!

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  19. Yuck, those intrusive thoughts and worry are the worst! They love to keep me from falling asleep on the more stressful days. Exercising or getting outside can help me stop that cycle in the evenings

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  20. Anxiety is overlooked in the Indian community, it’s a blind subject. I see people around me and I suffer from anxiety myself, but it’s not something we openly talk about. Sometimes I feel like the older generation don’t Evan know they have this condition, they just continue trying to put their pressures at the back of their mind….. I notice they are the first to deteriorate with old age, some are not even that old- yet they look and sound and act older. All because we don’t want to talk- or understand.

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    1. This makes me very sad to hear. I know culturally mental health problems are looked at alot differently, and it can be hard to break those years of ignoring it.

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  23. Thanks for writing about something that’s clearly such a huge and personal thing in your life. I occasionally have anxiety but my body reacts before my brain – so I experience physical symptoms like heart palpitations, out of body feeling etc before I know what’s wrong. Do you ever get this? Do you have a system for calming yourself down if you’re out and about and it hits?

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    1. Yes I do, this happens to me too. I feel like I get it both ways. Depends on the situation. I haven’t really come up with my own coping method. Usually when I start to feel anxious or feel a panic attack I get really hot and sweaty. I then feel my heart beating faster and then my breath becoming more panicked too. I let it pass usually on its own, but im sure that breathing in and out slowly or taking a couple minutes to sit down would help with that too.

      I have heard of people counting objects around them to help focus your mind on something else. Or saying the colours of objects around them too.

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  28. I feel I can never escape my anxiety. If I’m anxious about something and complete it, I always feel like it’s creeping back up behind me. Sometimes I don’t even know why I feel the way I do, but I guess that’s just good old anxiety for ya 😩

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    1. It can be really hard to understand, I don’t get it either half of the time. But you have to remind yourself that its just a thought. Its not a real and present thing that you can touch. And alot of time, our anxieties are about things that wont and never will happen!

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  31. What a brave and vulnerable post well done 😊 I never used to suffer from anxiety then out of nowhere last year I started getting anxiety on stage because I was terrified of forgetting my lines. I would have nightmares about it nearly every night and wake up in a sweat. I largely got over it by telling myself how ridiculous I was being. It really is no joke though!

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    1. Thank you so much for reading. I can imagine it was a bit of a shock when you first started feeling anxious. Hopefully the more you do it the better it will be!

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  32. I intermittently suffer with Anxiety. There are a few tips/suggestions I can offer you, which have helped me no end:

    Don’t assume that you will live with this for the rest of your life. Although I’m aware you are simply preparing yourself, this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I experienced this for years. I would struggle and complain about my anxiety, yet held it so close to myself that I continued to embody that thought. Just take one day at a time, and try to remove self judgement and absolute statements like ‘I’m always like this’ or ‘I’m an anxious person’.

    This is conjecture based on your first line, so skip if necessary, but: It’s not necessary to always turn negatives into positives. Contrary to popular positive psychology, bad things do happen and negativity is to be respected. Looking on the bright side or seeing a silver lining is a good thing to do, but feeling the need to turn everything rosey will go a lot further to make you feel guilty about the pessimism when it inevitably rears its head. It’s okay for things to be shit.

    Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness teaches us to observe our thoughts and experiences without judgement, allowing neutrality. Most things are objectively neutral, and there is no requirement to attach positive or negative connotations to our circumstances. This is something we tend to do in our longing for narrative, and can manifest in Anxiety.

    Our individual impact is minimal: This is an interesting one, because it can either bring about existential angst or it can be very freeing. The spotlight effect is the feeling that every single one of our moves is being observed. In modern times, we have lost contact with what it is like to be one small part of a greater, vaster entity. Now, all the emphasis is placed on the individual, which brings about enormous pressure and an inflated sense of ego. However, our personal impact on the world, even on the lives of people semi close to us (work colleagues; further removed: customers, patients etc.) will likely be very small. We attach a great deal of anxiety to daily activities: the way we look, sound, what we accidentally said to the bus driver.. whatever.. These things are simply irrelevant outside of the realms of the ego*. A good way of suppressing this feeling is to evaluate your contribution to communities/society. Consider whether you are playing a significant role in contributing to what is important to your ethics/morals, and as you appear to be a lovely person, you will place that of higher importance, when compared to the ego. Contribution then takes centre stage, while the ego takes a back seat.

    Finally, read and listen to Alain De Botton, if you don’t already. He helped me no end with my busy mind.

    *When I refer to ego, I simply mean ‘sense of self’ rather than ‘overinflated ego’.

    I hope this goes a way to helping you with your anxiety xx

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this! Im sure this will help so many of us on this post who suffer from Anxiety. It gives such a fresh and new perspective on things! I really appreciate you taking the time to share this. Thank you!

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  33. Loved getting to know you better through this post. I had never heard of emetophobia. I have dealt with anxiety my entire life undiagnosed. But as you said, I don’t think it needs to be. I know a panic attack when I feel it come on. But I seem to manage it with proper sleep & nutrition. I didn’t think meds would help me honestly. I’d much rather deal with it on my own. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has these obstacles. 💕

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  34. Though anxiety is one thing I never prayed to suffer with, I still understand what it feels like as I have stated with people who suffer with it and as such, it has affected my being too as it is now like a daily routine that I do the things they do like waking up many times at night, getting carried away in thoughts of different sorts, etc. I am happy for you that you found a way to cope with yours as mine is that I just try to stay around people who make me think less.

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  36. There is so much in this post that I felt I could relate to that it actually made me a little sad.. I’m sorry to hear so many people are struggling through days like this. I suffer from anxiety myself and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Stay Strong, everyone! And thank you, Olivia, for sharing this with us. ☺

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      1. Thank you, that’s really kind. ☺
        Not always an easy thing to keep in mind though! You just have to do tour best to keep moving forward. 🌹

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  39. This post really resonated with me, I’ve suffered with anxiety since I was a teenager, my anxieties are weird I fear of getting hurt physically I see graphic images in my mind all the time or I worry my family members may get hurt. I have never really understood where these anxieties came from. I have recently discovered that it maybe called ‘traumatophobia’

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  41. Reading this made me so glad to know that what I made my blog for will be encouraging for others. Likewise I had anxiety my whole life but didn’t find out until I was 32 years old. It took a lot for me to start being a very introverted person. So I totally love how we can discuss this to reach out to help one another. Love and light to you and pray all continue to be well with you.

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  44. It was lovely reading your part .It seemed as if you have described my day,for which I can’t find words. As along with this, I also got expressive issues ( about me)..
    It felt great reading a bit of yours and a lot of mine routine.💕

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  45. I didn’t knew so many people deal with the same thing as I do. From my experience I’d say
    1 find someone to talk not for feeling good or relieving stress but about what you subconscious struggle with
    2 take more care for your health, because the more you know your immunity is strong, the more the thought of getting ill recedes
    3 that alarm thing reminds me of my OCD
    But I have realized that the more we use words like depression, anxiety, stress to define our mental complexities, the more rigid we become and make a temporary thought somewhat stiff.
    Everybody suffers from something but never believe something will be forever.
    Always remind yourself “I’m amazing”

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  48. I feel like I could have written this myself! I can relate to everything you said. Just the other night I was so upset with myself for not trying new foods. My fear is that I’ll have an allergic reaction and my throat will close up. Even though that’s never happened to me before! Anxiety is so frustrating.

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  49. For a long time after my husband died, I feared finishing this life alone. I’m 63 so I’m hoping I’ll be around a while yet. As time has passed and I have grown accustomed with my solitude, I have come to appreciate that and fear it less. The problem is, once that was overcome, another fell into place, I’m still working on that one but making progress. Knowing that there are others facing similar struggles, does help.

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  50. I think this is awesome and brave of you to put up and post this stuff. Yes, we may have come a long way in 10 years, but we have still a LONG way to go. I have ptsd from my relationship with my husband. He has it from being a fireman. My daughters and I had to witness him go through a downward spiral, telling us every day he wanted to die, and not knowing if that day was the day he would kill himself. It did a number on us. I finally told him I couldn’t take it anymore, that he needed to go get help, so he went for treatment, but when he got back, my troubles began. I started having panic attacks when I was around him. I couldn’t sleep, I wanted to die. I tried to get help, but omg, no one wants to help. I felt like a pariah, it was terrible. I did get on an antidepressant, and if I didn’t, I know I would be dead. I found a good counselor who wasn’t a Christian. And I say this to the people who want to throw Jesus around-I am a Christian, but I was mishandled by my spouse. I couldn’t just give my issues to God. It was a combo of the meds, my counselor, and the Lord that helped me get thru, but I’m not completely better, bc I’m still married to the same man, and he isn’t completely better, but at least none of us are trying to kill ourselves. There is improvement. God never promised life would be awesome. In fact Jesus tells us quite the opposite. He says we’ll have trouble. I’m sorry this is so long. I just wanted to encourage you! You’re doing a great thing and don’t pay attention to the nay sayers! They either don’t really know the Lord or the word.

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